Daft Dictionary (Microfax Jokes Books)

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We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. And when you’re finished, you can ask them to your family and friends to see who answered the most right! Drug use gets an unfair reputation considering all the beautiful things in life it has given us like rock ‘n’ roll and sporting achievement. Like the way an Irish person or a Scottish person would say that the band Snow Patrol are boring but an Eskimo has a hundred words for how crap Snow Patrol are.

In fact, he tied a ribbon to each of the parrot's legs and instructed him to pay the woman a compliment if she tugs on one of them. Maybe Hitler wouldn’t have been so grumpy if people hadn’t left him hanging for high fives all the time. I always thought Trojan was a bad name for a condom brand because of course the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls.No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema. Whether it’s the swift one-liners of Tim Vine or Milton Jones, or a more traditionally structured joke, these quick-fire quips will have your friends rolling around on the floor.

If you had only one match and entered a dark doom containing an oil lamp, kindling, and a newspaper, which would you light first?I think the worst thing about driving a time machine is your kids are always in the back moaning ‘Are we then yet? When I found out the amusement park was taking photos of me on their rides without my permission I was fluming. Emily Stedman is the former Features Editor for GoodTo covering all things TV, entertainment, royal, lifestyle, health and wellbeing. In her spare time, Emily can be found eating her way around London, swimming at her local Lido or curled up on the sofa binging the next best Netflix show. We’ve put together a rather epic list of some of the best jokes and one-liners that have had audiences giggling in the Scottish capital over recent years.