The Very Best of Fesshole: Britain Confesses Anonymously

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I once dumped a perfectly nice girl because she sliced her toast vertically. Looked her up, shes now a rich lawyer. I am an idiot. From ways to avoid embarrassment to revenge tactics, here are Rob's favourite confessions, with each one based on a makeshift commandment that he warns people should take "very, very seriously"...

WHAT'S LASTED 174 TIMES THE LENGTH OF LIZ TRUSS'S PREMIERSHIP AND EQUALLY DAMAGING TO THE UK'S REPUTATION?" I used to do admin for a firm of solicitors. 80% of them were absolute morons. I have no idea how people so stupid got qualified or continued to be employed. FOR ANYONE WORRIED ABOUT THEIR A-LEVELS: REMEMBER THAT IT'S TOO LATE TO STOP CLIMATE CHANGE & MOST OF YOU WILL DIE FIGHTING FOR WATER" I answer my front door in my coat, if it's someone I want to see I say I've just got in and if it's someone I really don't want to see I say I was just on my way out, works every time." It is an anthology though, so to be fair if there are a couple you don't quite like, there's another one following straight after. There are so many, and on such a wide range of topics, that it's almost a guarantee that there will be something in here that will make you laugh. And if that doesn't convince you, there are some beautiful illustrations in there as well.

I have literally no idea what I'm doing at work and I've been here 8 months. I just sit and edit a fake Excel spreadsheet to make me look busy." He said some of his funniest moments include a woman whose husband’s dying wish was for everyone to think he lead a double life. The book is themed around the 10 commandments (hence why Rob is dressed as a vicar), with Rob arguing there are life lessons hidden within the admissions from strangers.

THIS NEWSLETTER FAILED ITS A-LEVELS AND IS GOING TO SCUNTHORPE POLYTECHNIC TO STUDY BISCUIT TECHNOLOGY" I have a one year gap on my resume, which I fill with "working for a marine conservation organisation in Belize". I was actually stripping for the year to clear debts and build a house deposit. I'm a lawyer now. Working as a solicitor I have to do loads of anti-money laundering training; how to spot it, what methods are used, new developments in techniques, etc. As a result, I'd be really good at money laundering and I think I'd enjoy the creative challenge more than the day job. I once filled an entire C90 cassette with recordings of my farts. I wish I still had it. I would say it's my life's greatest achievement. I'm a partner in a firm of Solicitors and I'm 63. The wild, the wonderful, the frankly unbelievable and the downright disgusting. Under the anonymity of the internet people confess their most embarrassing secrets and it might not be good for their souls, but it’s great for the readers!’Richard K Herring

And another: "Completely ruined one morning after a heavy session I somehow managed to make a bacon sandwich and cup of tea. I put brown sauce in my tea instead of on my butty. I didn't have the mental ability to make another one so drank it. It tasted lovely and I've done it every since." A REFERENDUM IS WHEN A COUNTRY HATES ITSELF VERY MUCH AND DECIDES TO HAVE A PROXY WAR INSTEAD OF GETTING A PUPPY" Rob spent the last 20 years building interactive web projects, including message board b3ta.com. He started Fesshole with an open invitation from his personal account three years ago asking if people would like to anonymously confess their sins. Rob has made a career out of internet-based entertainment. He has released the weekly b3ta newsletter since before I was born, and credits it as his first project that amassed some “fans and public recognition”. Crucially, it gives him the ability to launch a new project because he always has the “first 50 people to look at something”. The newsletter itself has a pleasingly under-designed look, which is “all about trying to make people enjoy the content”, rather than focus upon the formatting or design. “In 2001, when it launched, that was a retro look for a newsletter” – and it has not changed since.

The book is split into 10 sections, ranging from crime and neighbours, through to family, and of course sex. Each section is then split further, which just breaks up the book a little. The account appears particularly popular with lawyers (or those who have had dealings with them), so Legal Cheek has taken it upon itself to highlight some of the more eye-catching admissions. Hilarious! The only guide any alien would need to find out what humans are really like' David SchneiderRon has been sent 150,000 anonymous confessions, and shares the ones he thinks his audience will like the most - so long as they are not creepy and he doesn't think they are made up. Confessions like: "I'm a bus driver. If I'm having a bad day at work, I'll look in the mirror while driving, and mutter to myself 'you're all ****s aren't you?' and then tap the brakes twice so they all nod." My wife passively aggressively points out my failings to the dog when I'm in earshot. I tell her this is pathetic, but when she goes out, I sit him down and give him my account of events at length."