The Success Myth: Our obsession with achievement is a trap. This is how to break free

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Did you know that forty-seven years old is the bottom of the Happiness U-curve of life, described as “peak unhappiness”? This doesn't mean it'll definitely occur at this age for everyone, it's the median, so it could be earlier, could be later. Why is this, exactly? One reason is because it can be “a time when we reconsider our expectations of life.” Expectations , an interesting word to reflect on. Ask yourself, she says, how much money is enough for you? “It can be empowering to simply be aware of what you need in your life and what you want, versus what you think you want, and splitting the difference.”

A brilliant book, and so necessary. We have to get away from the idea that happiness is just over the next hill, and that everything will be better when we've achieved the next big thing. This is a crucial and joyful part of that conversation. Rebecca Seal, author of Solo: How to Work Alone (and Not Lose Your Mind) Emma has spoken on Sky News, at Social Media Week London, Facebook's Marketing Conference, the Turkish Blog Awards, Cheltenham Literary Festival and is a regular guest lecturer at the Condé Nast College of Fashion and Design about the power of social media.It was the gloomiest era in my life because all I want to be is becoming an ideal mom and the best employee. It took 9 months (in total) to make me realize that life is bigger than just work. And I can fulfill my inner passion and share my energy to other things. Now, I am so done with the success myths. But what about money? Shouldn’t I be working flat out to top up my pension? I have a decade or so left before I retire. “Why wait till you retire to live the life you want?” says Gannon bluntly. “Do it now.” Although there is no one formula for “real” success, there were themes in Gannon’s interviews that frequently cropped up as to what truly made people happy. These included:

All those articles, videos, and workshops on self-confidence exist for a reason: Many of us believe it would help our careers to have more chutzpah. I inhaled it in one sitting. It made my shoulders drop three inches by the time I’d read the first chapter. Why? It is a permission slip to escape ‘the achievement trap’. The book explores why the traditional version of success is making us feel lonely, unfulfilled and dispirited.I really trust myself now. I look to myself for the answers. That’s why I do love coaching, because a good coach will never give you advice, they will always bring the answers out of you. How do you learn to trust yourself?

This last success myth is probably one of the most insidious: Even though we may not intend to work-til-we-drop, many of us find ourselves constantly plugged in, sleep deprived, and still feeling behind. I resigned from my first job (with 1-month unpaid leave prior to my resignation because I thought all I need is just stay away from work for a moment) and took additional 8-months to finally "recover" and ready for work. A lot of the writing, understandably, is about her own incredible success and her ultimate realisation that it wasn't the success she was really searching for. A lot more is then about the really famous people she's talked to who have realised that the glitz, glamour and money aren't quite the panacea they are made out to be. However she doesn't seem to have spoken to a nurse, or a teaching assistant, a grocery delivery driver or an officer cleaner who feels, and is, successful on their own terms. And that is why I haven't felt able to give it 5 stars. We are chasing the scam of the outward traditional success (thinking there’s always ‘more’) where the ego gets a boost and we acquire some things but it doesn’t actually end up impacting our inner landscape in a positive or lasting way. You talk about the happiness myth in the book – what is that? Awalnya nggak masalah. Hepi malah. Loh ternyata aku stress. Aku berpikir kalau usia 30 tahun dan "masih begini-begini aja" adalah sia-sia.Emma wraps up each chapter with a set of reflection questions to ask yourself. “Describe who you are outside of work,” she says, “Write a list of descriptors that has nothing to do with working, earning money or achieving anything.” This seemingly simple question floored me. As a millennial brought up on a schedule of CV-enhancing activities, from violin lessons, to Girl Guides, to swimming and tennis, I struggled to think of something. Reflecting on Emma’s question, I saw myself in my true colors: I’m obsessed with success. An interview with Emma Gannon, best-selling author, novelist and columnist about how to let go of seeking outside validation and find a path that makes your heart leap. A deeply personal, authentic and relatable read. It made me breathe countless, heavy sighs of relief. Sian Clifford, Actor

To combat the constant urge to do more, Barker recommends that we identify the type of success that we’re after in the first place. While much of the research he cites focuses on boosting income and performance, he ends up proposing that we develop our own personal definition of success balancing these four measures: In other words, we can’t do everything—and the way to figure out what we should be doing is to try a bunch of stuff and stop what isn’t working. For example, people who try lots of different jobs early in their careers typically go on to make more money and rise higher in the ranks. Quitting goals we’ll never reach simply makes us happier and less stressed. Oh, and the reason those kindergarteners were so successful at the Marshmallow Challenge is because they kept trying different things rather than persisting at a losing strategy. Success is when you can have the right tension between being content with your lot and continuing to improve your life. To get the best of both worlds, he recommends we cultivate self-compassion, the practice of responding to our shortcomings with kindness and the recognition that no one is perfect. Not only is self-compassion linked to greater well-being, self-compassionate people also procrastinate less, persevere more, and have less fear of failure. That’s what happens when you’re willing to see things as they are—your flaws included—but not respond with debilitating self-criticism. After taking a deep look at her own journey, and interviewing many other successful people on her podcast Ctrl, Alt, Delete, she realised that our overly celebrated and traditional version of success is making us lonely, unfulfilled and dispirited. Now she has worked out a way to do things differently, and here Emma shares her hard-won lessons, including:

Being time-wealthy (having time to do what's important to you) is much more likely to increase your happiness than being wealthy. PDF / EPUB File Name: The_Success_Myth_Letting_Go_of_Having_It_All_-_Emma_Gannon.pdf, The_Success_Myth_Letting_Go_of_Having_It_All_-_Emma_Gannon.epub Today's guest is Chelsea Fagan, a writer, home cook, and the founder of The Financial Diet, and author of debut novel A Perfect Vintage. She is currently on the road from “absolutely terrible with money” to “pretty good with money" and in this episode we talk about Chelsea's three success myths: Myth #1: Endless money will make you happy / Myth #2: Traditional publishing is the only way to feel successful / Myth #3 The four-day week doesn’t work. Now a self-confessed recovering “success addict”, Gannon has quit her podcast and written a new book, entitled The Success Myth – about why the traditional version of success is making us feel lonely, unfulfilled and dispirited. To illustrate what it means to be nice but not too nice, Barker turns to a practice called “generous tit for tat,” which happens to be the most effective strategy in the two-person Prisoner’s Dilemma game. (In this game, two players have the choice to cooperate or defect; mutual cooperation earns the highest rewards, but it’s safer to defect on a given round if you don’t trust your partner.) By cooperating with one’s partner, and then simply imitating their actions and occasionally responding to defection with forgiveness and more cooperation, players tend to get the best outcome over time.