The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People-Pleasing, Reclaim Your Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want: A Simple Plan to Stop People ... Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want

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I often thought about that event and how much I needed to talk about our societal crisis of people-pleasing because it’s woven into everything. If that’s not how you want to feel, and it’s not what you want for your relationships, you can make a conscious choice to stop emotionally blackmailing you into doing things “for people. Once she goes into the 5 types of people-pleasers she distinguishes (gooder, efforter, saver, avoider, sufferer) her advice is highly specific, doesn't account for the possibility that you can be more than 1 type, and is at times almost hazardous.

Therefore, it’s tremendously harder to extricate oneself from this behavior of “being excessively compliant” than if one were White. The road to people pleasing recovery is one of many steps, but fortunately, it’s only ever one step at a time. If what we learn about being “good” and “helpful” within the environments we grow up becomes our identity, we make it our job to “please” people in these ways. I was making so many promises that I couldn’t remember who I was letting down from one day to the next.Zu Beginn geht es vorallem um die Vorteile die ein Nein für einen selbst bedeuten kann und warum es so schwierig ist, wenn man immer jedem Menschen gefallen möchte. You don’t need to keep proving yourself or trying to earn their approval, and whoever you first learned to do this with taught you to believe you *had* to be a people pleaser. Although books about overcoming people pleasing have been around since the birth of the self-help industry, it’s only recently that these works have started addressing the issue from a minority perspective. I’ve slowed down, paused/stopped a number of things, including The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, and made space for grieving and getting a sense of how I want to proceed. So, we have a society that makes everything about being “good” and “bad,” but we also, as part of our survival, pick up messages about what we think it takes to gain approval, affection, attention, love, and validation and to avoid conflict, criticism, disappointment, loss, rejection, and abandonment.

In fact, there are five distinct flavors of people pleasing: Gooding, Efforting, Avoiding, Saving, and Suffering. As a recovering people pleaser, I’m done with jumping through hoops trying to prove myself to unpleasable people. At work and around family, she avoided discussing her health and tried to act normal, even though she would begin each day screaming in agony.

The Joy of Saying No is your ticket out of toxic patterns and into healthy relationships and experiences that foster more love, care, trust and respect. Het mooie aan dit deel is dat ze ook haar eigen persoonlijke verhaal deelt als enorme people pleaser waarbij ze zichzelf constant wegcijferde en te veel van zichzelf vroeg. Instead of waiting, we can say no to anymore of their shenanigans and choose love, care, trust and respect for ourselves in the process. Peeps, don’t wait to be picked or for others to celebrate you, and please don’t burn yourself out trying to please others. Read more about the condition New: A new, unread, unused book in perfect condition with no missing or damaged pages.

This is THE book for me— found myself nodding often… and wishing I had a physical copy to be annotating.CG: What’s one thing a reader can do today — perhaps a baby step — to start practicing this mindset? They tell people what they think they want to hear, and they say yes when they really mean no, or say yes without considering the impact, meaning, and consequences. I will be revisiting this book and using it as a tool to help me shape my life in the future, and as tough as it was to get through, it's an invaluable guide to what I need to do to get to where I want to be. It is poorly written: Very long run on sentences; imbedded phrases; odd interjections; excessive use of profanity throughout; several highly inappropriate examples (pgs 113; 201 in the prepublished version); poor analogies that aren't common knowledge; repetitive use of the term "bandwidth" although the author never defines it for her use. But perhaps you can relate to years of repressing your own wants and needs for “the sake” of others, or mindlessly heeding the “wisdom” of others while ignoring your own, and saying yes when you really, really, really want to say no.

The Joy of Saying No is a guidebook for recovering people-pleasers and a love letter to the power of boundaries. Through profiles of others and candid anecdotes from her own life, Lue explains the various styles of and remedies to people pleasing (i. I came across a quote from Natalie Lue in an NPR article last year and it was so profound, I knew I wanted to read this book as soon as it came out. No one could tell her the cause of her immune disease – sarcoidosis – nor offer a compelling path to curing it. But on the other side of those healthy boundaries is your freedom; who you are without those ingrained habits is your authentic self.Follow author Natalie Lue’s six-step plan to find your no so you can create healthier boundaries and reconnect with your values and authentic self. Fast-forward a couple of years later to July 2020, and I was featured in a New York Times piece about the pandemic and people-pleasing, which led to my now-agents contacting me. Ich kenne viel zu viele Menschen, mich eingenommen, die die Bedürfnisse anderer tagtäglich über die eigenen stellen.