Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You

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By placing their needs and emotions at the forefront, you are providing them with the opportunity to flourish despite difficult circumstances. Things may not get to this point with your toxic ex, but if they do, the ability to legally defend yourself and ensure the safety of your children is paramount.

A toxic ex can be a lot of things: narcissistic, controlling, abusive, passive-aggressive, jealous, possessive, or just plain mean. Obviously, if your exposes a genuine threat or danger to your children, this changes the situation; however, if your ex’s animosity is limited to how they interact with you, swallowing it and figuring out successful coping strategies are ultimately the best courses of action. This can lead to what is known as parent alienation which, although not formally considered a syndrome in the DSM-5, is caused by emotional abuse. This emotional buildup, Cramer says, can very easily create to a poisonous stew of anxiety, guilt, and the need to undo what’s been done.If your ex truly has the best interests of your children at heart, they will likely attempt to control themselves, at least somewhat, when the children are in their presence. You’ll also need to set up rules for yourself which should include how often you’ll check the parenting apps/sites for communication and how long you’ll pause before responding. If you have recently divorced and are finding co-parenting difficult with a toxic ex, below are some parenting tips that you may find useful. However, amidst the difficulties, there is a fundamental truth that should guide your actions: the well-being of your children must always be the top priority.

While parenting with your ex can be difficult, it can be even more difficult when you believe they are trying to manipulate your children into feeling a specific way about you.Not only does this behavior create tension, it also causes stress to the children and provides a bad example,” says Valencia.