The Little Book of Toilet Jokes: The Ultimate Collection of Crap Jokes, Number One-Liners and Hilarious Cracks

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Gordon's Grandad – one-off strip about a boy who believes his perfectly ordinary grandfather has magical powers. The strip ends with the death of the grandfather, devastating Gordon who believes that Grandad was about to build him a time machine. A rescue cat is like recycled toilet paper. Good for the planet, but scratchy.” Chris Turner (2016) Donald Trump wants to arm teachers, which is crazy, because if Donald Trump’s teachers had been armed, we probably wouldn’t have to hear his stupid opinions on this issue. (Photo: Getty)

So this bloke says to me, ‘Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?’ I thought ‘That’s all I need, a Je-hoover’s witness.'” The Nancy Boys – a parody of The Hardy Boys where a pair of boy detectives go around causing trouble for innocent people (such as getting a homeless man arrested for vagrancy.) Fixed-Odds Betty – a sombre one-off strip depicting a woman selling her possessions and emptying her bank account to buy her grandson a bike for his birthday, only to end up being waylaid by his mother and spending it all at a fixed-odds betting machine in a bookmakers while the boy waits outside in the rain. This strip guest-starred the main character from fellow Viz strip "We ..." Balsa Boy – a take on Pinocchio, in which a lonely old pensioner makes a "son" from balsa wood. While Balsa Boy does have dialogue, all the speech bubbles unambiguously emanate from the old man. The strip ends with the old man being sent to a mental institution after burning down the house while trying to dry off Balsa Boy in front of the fire, but by the last frame he is busy working on making another "boy" out of scones. Captain Oats – a one-off strip lampooning the real Antarctic explorer Captain Lawrence Oates. An explorer obsessed with pornography and masturbation, he is depicted skiing across the icy wastes, dragging a wardrobe on its own set of skis upon which is hidden his stash of pornographic magazines. However, his efforts to masturbate are continually frustrated by the presence of his companions. Eventually he gives his famous line "I'm just going outside, I might be some time', and ends up in the latrine with his fingers freezing off.What is even worse than waking up after a party and finding a pen*s was drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced. Trump is giving inspiration to a new generation of kids. Kids would be told ‘Believe in yourself, you can be anything when you grow up, you could be President’. The kids and the parents both knew that there was no chance of it actually happening. Now, it’s a genuine possibility.

Flash Harry – a man who is constantly trying to indecently expose himself to women but regularly fails. Harold and Fred - they make ladies dead! – A one-off strip in which serial killers Harold Shipman and Fred West compete to be the first to murder a new female neighbour; only to discover that she is actually Ed Gein wearing the skin of one of his victims. This strip created controversy in the media, including complaints from the families of some of Shipman's victims. Nan Dare – a strip in which Dan Dare is asked to take care of his senile grandmother for the day, but forced to bring her on an urgent mission into space to rescue an alien ambassador. The villain never shows up, as he has been delayed by his grandmother.Bo and Luke Brummell – A parody of The Dukes of Hazzard in which the two main characters are Regency-era dandies. I’ve always considered myself more of a lover than a fighter. Which has confused a lot of guys that have tried to start fights with me. They’ll raise their fists, I’ll whip my knob out.” Mark Nelson (2015) Tim Vine has won the award for funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe twice (Photo: Getty)

Calvin and the Chipmunks – A rip-off of a very famous chipmunk trio strip featuring John Calvin and some mischievous chipmunks who get him into trouble with King Henry VIII. Rainbrow – a violent and adult-themed parody of Rainbow (minus Geoffrey) that sees an abusive Zippy and gullible Bungle meet with kidnappers to pay for George's ransom. During the exchange, Zippy upon learning how meager the ransom was, boasts how he and the gang are worth far more than what the kidnappers wanted, causing them to then kidnap and ransom him to a reluctant George and Bungle. When they turn up the American RSM starts by telling them he found a way to prove it, he tells his soldier to climb the 30 foot flag pole jump off saluting singing the national anthem. The soldier then does exactly as he is told, he brakes both his arms. there says the American that's bravery. The German RSM say's that rubbish and gets his soldier to climb the 35 foot flag pole and jump off and salute while singing the national anthem. this he does and breaks both his arms and one of his legs. there says the German that's bravery. Rubbish says the British RSM, he then turns to his soldier and says I want you to climb that 40 foot flag pole jump off and salute while singing the national anthem.

The Lager Lads – somewhat like the Real Ale Twats, these are a group of clean-cut, upstanding beer aficionados who like lager more than anything. Inevitably, barmen tell them to "piss off" or urinate in their beer. The Lads never seem to notice there's anything wrong with their drinks after this happens, both highlighting the weak flavour of lager compared to other beer and showing the Lads up to be idiots. The strips were inspired by a series of advertisements for McEwan's lager, in which - Chris Donald noted - a group of smiling, happy young men drink copious amounts of lager but never "got pissed or glassed anybody".