The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion And Peace With Your Man

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If you’ve been on the receiving end of a rageaholic’s repeated outbursts, you know how devastating it is to be verbally abused. It's about reframing," she explains. "You have a choice as to how you view things. It's about concentrating on the haves, rather than the have-nots." Karen’s husband ran a large corporation and earned a six-figure income. A few days before his birthday, he put a note on the counter with the one thing he most wanted his wife to give him: Respect. The same request is made in a variety of forms in households the world over, because men desperately crave respect from their wives. That makes it one of the greatest gifts we can give our husbands. The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage. Laura Doyle’s model for matrimony shows women how they can both express their needs and have them met while also respecting their husband’s choices. When they do, they revitalize intimacy.

Without that one significant act, you and your spouse are no different from roommates who share expenses and responsibilities around the house. If your sex life is currently non-existent, then you're in grave danger of becoming roommates instead of the lovers you set out to be. Fortunately, you can turn this situation around by taking the following steps: Doyle, Laura (Feb 2006). Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand (2ed.). Simon & Schuster. ISBN 978-0743258623. Respect means that when he takes the wrong freeway exit youdon’t correct him by telling him where to turn. It means that if he keeps going in the wrong direction you will go past the state line and still not correct what he’s doing. In fact, no matter what your husband does, you will not try to teach, improve, or correct him. The author of the core book of this movement maintains that she does not advocate submissiveness or the surrendering of one's self (see contradictions of this claim below); she proposes the surrendering of control over others. Indeed, in Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand (subtitled When you learn that it is better to receive than to give– The Superwoman's Practical Guide to Getting as Much as She Gives), [1] Doyle says women turn away praise, validation, and even help to appear to be in control. [2] Ladies, I know that it is hard to see the problem, and I am sure that I will not explain it properly.Laslow, I; Louise, C (Sep 2005). "Review of Laura Doyle's "The Surrendered Wife" ". Relationships. THI.

You know what they say: Every marriage—even a great one—needs work. It’s totally true. So whether you are going through a rough patch or just looking to make your great marriage even greater add these books to your must-read list. I remember how unattractive and shameful I felt when I would boss John and complain. In the middle of my tirade, I thought I was saying what had to be said, but my self-respect deteriorated with each harsh word. No matter how justified I felt in yelling or correcting, I inevitably beat myself up afterwards, and of course that only made me feel worse. Instead, practice saying these empowering words: "I can't." They work just as well when your child's teacher asks you to volunteer in the classroom as they do when your husband asks you to stop by the dry cleaners on an already too-busy day. They require no further explanation. a b Doyle, Laura (2008–2013). "A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace With a Man". LauraDoyle.org. First there are the little things: No one to snuggle up with in bed, or help you move the heavy furniture.Forty-year-old Tammy constantly nags husband Ben to lose weight. He is so dispirited by her criticism that their sex life has become nonexistent. Fifty-year-old Connie runs her own company and is a self-confessed control freak. She refuses to accept that her ex-navy boyfriend Ted likes guns while she hates them. Finally there is Merilee, who continually badgers her husband for material things, even though they cannot afford them. Respecting your husband means that you don’t tear him down. For example, telling him how to load the dishwasher is insulting. You might as well be saying, You mean you can’t even do something as easy as that? Naturally, comments like that stifle intimacy. Those of us who have trouble trusting others when every rational indicator says that we are safe are reacting to our own fear. We may be afraid that we won’t get what we need, or that we’ll get it too late. It could be fear that we’ll spend too much money, or have to do extra work. It could also be, and often is, fear of loneliness, boredom or discomfort. If you are like me and find yourself driven to correct, criticize and conquer a partner, then you are reacting to your fears. Whatever the situation, if you do not react to your fear of the outcome, you don’t need to try to dominate, manipulate or control it. As it turns out, my fears were a conditioned response I had developed over the years to hide my own vulnerability¯the soft underbelly that exposes me to both the greatest pain and the greatest pleasure. I hid my softness as much as I could because I believed it was unattractive. Ironically, the people I found most endearing and easiest to connect with had the ability to expose their real fears, joys, guilt, needs and sadness. I was drawn to their openness and warmth. I found them engaging. The Surrendered Single is a book to help single women attract a good man according to the principles of Surrendering. Doyle advocates the surrender of control of another. A surrendered single is a woman who chooses to apply the principles of surrendering to her life so as to serenely attract a good man rather than desperately seek a mate.

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.” —GOETHE” Sure, you may feel safer if you could anticipate everything, but you can't. Pretending that you can just creates NET (needless emotional turmoil) that stands between you and the intimacy you crave. Once you stop anticipating, you may be surprised at how different your husband's words and actions are from what you expected. That element of the unexpected is part of what makes intimacy so scary and exciting. When I was honest with myself, I had to admit that controlling, or attempting to control, accomplished nothing. The only product of harboring my illusion was loneliness. It wasn't until I gave it up that romance returned.Everyday, do three things that you enjoy doing just because they're pleasurable -- not because they are necessarily productive. They can be simple things, like walking barefoot on the grass, reading a trashy novel or taking a hot bath. Lying in the sun or talking to a girlfriend on the phone might make your list, or even watching your favorite TV show.