Joined in 2023 
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Most people (and I think most cheaters ~ even serial ones) are capable of feeling Guilt and Shame, but their tolerance for this type of unpleasant emotion is so very low as to be almost non-existent. Where the rest of us would simply feel lousy and work through it, they find the feelings brought on by Guilt and Shame simply unbearable.” So you knew he was being gaslit, abused and cheated on but you chose – for months – to not tell him he wasn’t wrong to distrust her? You facilitated his abuse because you knew his wife longer? Because he was a man and therefore his pain wasn’t comparable to yours, four years ago? During much of Cheaters cruelty, I REALLY didn’t want to keep living. I begged God to let me die in my sleep because I knew that if I suicided, it would hurt my kids (so I “survived” the abuse and tried to navigate to hurt the kids the least. My decisions about what would do the least damage were probs wrong.) So I really do understand this man’s pain. Cheaters often display emotion when their affairs are discovered, but if you pay attention, it’s usually sympathy for themselves—not the pain they inflicted on you. What consequences are you going to impose on them? Whatever will people think? How will they live without their affair partner? Who did you tell? What do you know? Can’t you see how very difficult this is on them? Your pain is very upsetting.”
Most men also carry HPV but almost never have symptoms and there’s no reliable test for men. Think his skanky ho is going to tell him that she has it? This is part of changing the narrative in our culture. Instead of these chumps drifting away mysteriously……we need to be telling their stories. Let me repeat what Tracy said, “SHARED HISTORY ISN’T SHARED VALUES.” Just because you met somebody when you were a child and you liked them then, doesn’t mean you have ever had anything in common except for randomly being in the same class at school. The journalistic guidelines for reporting of death by suicide (at least in UK) advise that method of death is not disclosed, because there is a lot of research about how reporting of method makes imitation more likely. Details here: https://www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/media-guidelines/media-guidelines-reporting-suicide/As the daughter of a father who killed himself by shooting himself in the head I also disagree that CL should change the wording to “died by suicide.” XH used to say, “You want to know about ME? Wow! My favorite subject!” But he’d say it in such a charming manner, everyone would laugh, including me. He’s a Southern boy – just like his father – and charm (and BS!) runs in his veins. To be fair, though, I have many faults, and I have heard them all listed repeatedly as a way to explain why I too was at fault for my ex’s cheating.
But, I do remember when I was at my darkest moment, the thought of a gun crossed my mind. It was late at night, and I remember as soon as the thought hit my brain I sat up in bed and thought to myself: “I am not going to do that, because he will just tell everyone, see I told you she was crazy”. What I did instead was jump out of bed and call my dad, and we talked for a long time. I don’t think I told him about the incident; I just told him I was lonely and needed someone to talk to. of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide by Tracy Schorn I did think I hit ‘reply’. If it didn’t show up as a reply to your comment that was an honest mistake. It is difficult to navigate the new sit with an iPhone. I remember the dark times of when I was being deceived, gaslit, lied to by my cheating whore ex-wife…….I remember very dark and hopeless thoughts….I thought I was no good and my family would be better off without me……honestly, the only thing that kept my thoughts from going further and possibly to action was my kids…..the thought of my kids without me and the pain that would cause them…..that and also what was mentioned above……it would “validate” that I was the “bad one”…..I’m only telling my particular story here but I was never suicidal until I learned that my now-ex was having a long term affair with someone I knew. Remember what I said about cheaters not playing by the same set of rules as you? You just woke up to find out you’re in the fifth inning of Cheater Ball. When did the game start? What’s the score? Your cheater isn’t going to tell you. For cheaters, part of the game of Cheater Ball is denying they’re playing Cheater Ball. Work from the assumption that your cheater has a very different agenda than you do and that your well-being is not at the top of it.” And to the mealy mouthed snowflake twats wittering about language, and being ‘sensitive’, language should be *powerful and descriptive* otherwise it’s just meaningless anodyne waffle.
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