Gary Bushell On The Box

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Separated at birth. UNCANNY. Sylvia Anderson and Zelda from Terrahawks. Who’d have thought the master puppeteer would have grown into one of her characters? TV names: there’s a Rod Gill on Go Fishing, a Grant Thistle on Scotland’s The Beechgrove Garden and a BBC newsreader called Finella Fudge... Leno was a joke machine with a nightly 12-minute opening monologue of fresh gags. Politicians of every creed copped it (less so today, predictably).

Bushell Garry Bushell

PEOPLE say the hippo-faced goddess on Moon Knight resembled Jo Brand. Ridiculous. The hippo was funny. Not to mention likeable and easier on the eye. THERE was regulation BBC Thatcher-bashing, natch, although oddly in a UDM village nobody moans about Scargill who wanted confrontation as badly as Maggie did. Why do villagers who worked through it hate the Met though? It’s time to take risks, think big and make Britain laugh again. Or at least that large proportion of population with a working sense of humour. Halo is all-action comic-book sci-fi inspired by a video game. The Offer dramatizes the making of The Godfather – an offer you can’t refuse. He then jumped ship to the BBC for The Lenny Henry Show, full of comic characters like Brixton wide-boy Delbert Wilkins and Theophilus P. Wildebeeste, the “one-man sex machine” soul singer, now sadly cancelled.PS. I stumbled on a house with no roof and half a front door. Price? 20,000 Euros. But for cash, the owner offered to throw in a flea-ridden, half-tethered mule with temper issues. Beat that, Scarlette Douglas!

Garry Bushell Garry Bushell

Or failing that, girls, why not opt for something truly eye-catching like swapping silicone for Playdough? Then, instead of a bog-standard 36DD, you could have a head-turning 44long. And after sex, you and your partner could have hours of fun fashioning your thrupennies into bouncy castles. WHAT about the Queen and Paddington? Magic. Of course, her Maj is used to cuddly creations with strange appetites and a tenuous handle on reality... insert your own BoJo gag here.

IT was the Ripper vs Jimmy Savile on Monday night. Winner to take on Fred West for the ultimate bastard crown. DOCTORS has been cancelled. Tsk. You wait months to see a GP as it is, now you won’t even see one on TV. WHAT nightmare will inspire your Halloween party costume – Saw? Freddy Krueger? Coogan’s Savile? I’m going as the nightly news.

HOW was Toby Jones a DCI in the 1970s (The Long Shadow)? Fine actor but he’s 5ft 5. Talk about police shortages... YOUNGER faces brightened up episode two of Ustreme’s Proper Comedians – ep one felt like The Comedians meets Cocoon. I am also presenting two new shows for 2nd City, Sounds Of Glory and Highway To Hell. They generally stay on spreaker.com for a couple of weeks after they are broadcast.Jaega “the Jaega-meister” Wise heads the experts. James showed considerable restraint by not telling her “You’re boozy-ful”. Hic. Cheers. On the first night, three blokes pursued Faye Winter – the one with the long legs and fish lips. Or “Number 5” as Aaron called her, the romantic fool. I felt for young, likeable Bukayo Saka who has been left nursing a pain that will never quite leave him. He’d played well too. Roll on the World Cup! Jan 24. FINDING Alice is unusual for an ITV drama – there’s not a serial killer in sight. Not yet, anyway. Instead there’s Alice, a serial nitwit, whose other half pegs it the day they

ED Balls’ Inside The Care Crisis was moving and insightful. Low-paid care-home working is one second job all MPs should try. MORE Welsh couples are applying to go on A Place In The Sun. Not for the weather or scenery, just for a chance to get out of second gear when they go for a drive...

TERRY had to choose between Shirley and Kathy on DeadEnders. It could’ve been worse, mate; it could’ve been Shirley and Karen – the Walford equivalent of Godzilla Vs Kong. They axed some hopefuls for “not improving” between shows. Well, they haven’t! These puffed-up clowns are barely qualified to judge karaoke night in the Albert. But it just isn’t as good without the Aussie sun. We’re at home suffering a grim, freezing November looking at something worse. No wonder viewing figures are tanking.