Eight Dates: To keep your relationship happy, thriving and lasting

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There is SO MUCH interesting info in this book! I know not everyone is going to froth at the mouth over learning how couples interact with each other, but I seriously couldn’t get enough. It’s all so interesting to me, discovering what is “normal” and what actually creates a lasting connection, especially when it doesn’t necessarily match up with what I expected. Some of my favorite insights: Das Ding ist: ich glaube, wir sind absolut nicht die Zielgruppe für dieses Buch. Es gab kein Thema, was wir in den letzten 3 Jahren nicht schon mehrfach besprochen hätten. Vielleicht liegt es daran, dass wir als Gen Z couple im Vergleich zu älteren Generationen schon durch social media, höhere Akzeptanz für sowas wie Psychotherapie und generell mehr Offenheit für intime Themen früher gelernt haben, dass man über Gefühle sprechen und sich selbst reflektieren sollte? Don‘t know. Wir haben das erste Gespräch geführt und dann damit aufgehört. Ich habe das Buch alleine zu Ende gelesen und es entstand bei mir kein Gesprächsbedarf.

Share three things you appreciate about your partner’s contribution to the wealth of the relationship (paid or unpaid work).” It’s important for couples to share their dreams with each other. Keeping your dreams from your partner leads to bitterness, resentment, loss of passion and desire, and distance. Dreams. Honoring each other’s dreams is the secret ingredient to creating love for a lifetime. When dreams are honored, everything else in the relationship gets easier.Note that when it comes to these differences that are challenging to accept, the Gottmans encourage couples to “approach your differences with curiosity rather than correctness. Have a genuine desire to understand the stories that are underneath the issue” (pg. 85). Doug Abrams is an editor, literary agent, president and founder of Idea Architects (book and media company), and author of many bestselling books. Every person has a dream or life purpose, and it should never be sacrificed for the relationship. It’s possible for both people to achieve their dreams, just typically not at the same time. The Fondness and Admiration Date: This date is focused on building appreciation and respect for each other, and learning how to express fondness and admiration for one another. The goal of this date is to help couples build a positive and supportive atmosphere in their relationship, and to develop a deep sense of appreciation and admiration for each other. This date is designed to help couples build a stronger and more loving relationship by focusing on the positive aspects of their partner. To do this, couples can practice expressing appreciation and admiration for each other, and can also focus on identifying and highlighting the positive qualities and achievements of their partner. This can help couples build a more positive and supportive atmosphere in their relationship, and can also help them feel more appreciated and valued by their partner.

This book walks couples through eight conversation-based dates to help them strengthen their connection and discover new things about each other. Before you each come together to discuss, think about how you think about trust and commitment in your relationship, and how you make each other feel safe and loved. You can jot it down on a piece of paper, so that when you come together, you can easily remember your thoughts and see if you each feel the same way, or if your ideas are different. What we learned:We’d both let fun move to the bottom of our to-do list. We’re focused on our careers right now, and had forgotten the importance of doing things just for the sake of enjoyment. On this date, we did what we do best: strategize ways to prioritize fun in the future. For example, we love working out, and we used to do TRX on Saturday mornings but the ritual faded when our favorite teacher switched studios. We recommited to joint workouts, and also decided to try hosting more group dinners for our friends. It was exciting to discuss bigger plans, too, like taking a trip to Sri Lanka. Every chapter includes fun and insightful anecdotes, along with exercises and questionnaires meant to help both partners prepare. During this conversation, you’ll discuss what family means to each of you. If you haven’t yet had children, will you? How many kids do you want? How were the family dynamics when you grew up?Triggers are perceptions stored in our subconscious AND throughout our body. Mostly formed when we were incapable of reasoning independently, at a proverbial age thru age @ 25. Thus, our psyke imprints emotional responses of Others. Then, together, you’ll come up with three new shared rituals for connecting with one another (i.e. weekly game night, taking an exercise class together, cooking a meal together once a week, doing a crossword puzzle together, weekly date night, etc.), and begin to implement them. Hold this date somewhere that feels peaceful, beautiful and spiritual to you both.

So, as much as “small words, small gestures, and small acts” matter in a relationship, the plain and simple truth is that relationships are made of date nights. If you do not set aside time once a week to have a planned date night – or date afternoon or morning – with your loved one, then you’re setting yourself for a life of discontent and frustration. All in all, don’t forget to make each other a priority even after you have children; your relationship matters and is really the base of your family — keep the base strong and steady!

The eight dates

Keep in mind that “8 dates” doesn’t have to be a one time deal; people and relationships evolve over time — you can (and should!) continue to have these types of conversations throughout the course of your relationship. This challenge is just a way to start to build the habit.