Joined in 2023 
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63 About this deal
It’s only from the perspective of singledom that a marriage can look peaceful, uneventful - and enviably boring. Of course, this can be hard if you have been through some tough situations with someone who made vows they didn’t keep. It boils down to this — we must make an effort to make it work, but to expect someone to fill our every need and satisfy us on every possible level will lead to getting disappointed for sure. 5) You’ll learn to be happy on your own Presently, we marry without any information. We almost never read books specifically on the subject, we never spend more than a short time with children, and we don’t rigorously interrogate other married couples or speak with any sincerity to divorced ones. We go into it without any insightful reasons as to why marriages fail. We need to know the intimate functioning of the psyche of the person we’re planning to marry. We need to know their attitudes to, and stance on, authority, humiliation, introspection, sexual intimacy, money, children, ageing, fidelity and 100 things besides.
The second section was where it lost me slightly, as it felt a bit too much 'psychological' on marriage, like we should be able to tolerate them for long periods, be able to withstand issues, and accept love and sex are seperate... Ok thats all well saif and done, but it's not so simple like that, is it? Why should we simply want to 'tolerate' someone?!?! Why would you even marry someone if it was all about tolerating them? It then removes the sense of 'romantic marriage ' which explains may be some of the reason why marriages end up in divorce (But it is a good feeling to have romantic love right?!?! To have some elements of falling for someone? Just make sure its with the right person, lol...) and then they further go into the third section, which are different aspects of life such as 'Work, Children, Sex' etc in a 'Romantic' and 'Classical' concept...which although are true in some respects, can seem extremely boring....It can’t and won’t: there is as much doubt, hope, fear, rejection and betrayal in a marriage as there is in single life. It’s only from the outside that a marriage looks peaceful, uneventful and nicely boring. This is not an easy road, especially if you have dealt with intimacy issues and you keep everyone at a safe distance.
Anyone we might marry could, of course, be a little bit wrong for us. We don’t expect bliss every day. We know that perfection is not on the cards. Nevertheless, there are couples who display such deep-seated incompatibility, such heightened rage and disappointment, that we have to conclude that something else is at play beyond the normal scratchiness: they appear to have married the wrong person. I knew the process was probably going to hurt because I desired to change several of my well-worn habits. And, as strange as it sounds, I needed to refocus because, in a feeble effort to comfort myself with something familiar, I was subconsciously recreating some of the dysfunction I grew up with.The time has come for a new kind of marriage: the Marriage of Psychology, where one doesn’t marry either just for practical reasons (land, money, etc.), or for intuitive reasons (“strong feelings”), but where our aspirations are properly submitted to examination and soberly understood, over many months, in the light of the daunting complexities of our respective psyches. If you’re constantly asking your partner to take care of you and make you happy, then it’s time to learn how to do that for yourself. You’ll learn to be responsible for yourself. My point is this — by making an effort to be happy when we are alone, we will enjoy more when we are with someone. Alain de Botton ( 1969 – ) penned an astute essay in the New York Times titled: “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.” De Botton is a Swiss-born British author who co-founded The School of Life in 2008. His books discuss various contemporary subjects and themes, emphasizing philosophy’s relevance to everyday life and offering sound practical advice. His published works include: On Love: A Novel, which has sold more than two million copies, and his newest book, The Course of Love. His other books include: The problem with this is that sometimes it’s hard to understand when your new situation will be happy or when you need to change certain things.
If you’re with someone who has never loved you for you, then this is the time to try to find someone who does. Sbg gambaran, buat dipertemukan Syemmi, aku bikin Baca Bareng, rutin bikin konten buku, upgrade diri lewat Career Class. None of it was easy. Tapi hasilnya "kelihatan" (luv u beb @hasyemiraws ). The problem is that knowledge of our own neuroses is not at all easy to come by. It can take years and situations we have had no experience of. Prior to marriage, we’re rarely involved in dynamics that properly hold up a mirror to our disturbances. Whenever more casual relationships threaten to reveal the “difficult” side of our natures, we tend to blame the partner – and call it a day. The Impressionist painters of the nineteenth century had an implicit philosophy of transience that points us in a wiser direction. They accepted the transience of happiness as an inherent feature of existence and could in turn help us to grow more at peace with it. Sisley’s painting of a winter scene in France focuses on a set of attractive but utterly fugitive things. Towards dusk, the sun nearly breaks through the landscape. For a little time, the glow of the sky makes the bare branches less severe. The snow and the grey walls have a quiet harmony; the cold seems manageable, almost exciting. In a few minutes, night will close in. If you’ve been with someone you thought would make your life complete and they don’t, then it’s time to figure out what it is that you want, what makes you happy, and where your true happiness lies.
8) You’ll learn to make a balance
We need to know the intimate functioning of the psyche of the person we’re planning to marry. We need to know their attitudes to, and stance on, authority, humiliation, introspection, sexual intimacy, money, children, ageing, fidelity and a hundred things besides. This knowledge won’t be available via a standard chat. We need a level of insight currently generally only available to psychological professionals at the PhD level. There is no doubt that we are always searching for a certain quality in our future partner, and often this quality comes with a price. Once upon a time, I met the person I’d been asking the universe for. We even met in the exact way I would have wanted to. We don’t see this as a picture of someone who has no nostrils, eight strands of hair and no eyelashes. Without even noticing that we are doing it, we fill in the missing parts. Our brains are primed to take tiny visual hints and construct entire figures from them – and we do the same when it comes to the character of our prospective spouse. We are – much more than we give ourselves credit for, and to our great cost – inveterate artists of elaboration. Indeed , marriage tends decisively to move us onto another, very different and more administrative plane, which perhaps unfolds in a suburban house, with a long commute and maddening children who kill the passion from which they emerged. The only ingredient in common is the partner. And that might have been the wrong ingredient to bottle.
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