Declarative Language Handbook: Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids with Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected, and Understood

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I'm writing this review from the perspective of an autistic, ADHD adult raising two neurodivergent children. My eldest (elementary-age) is ADHD and autistic with a PDA profile. Confusion about emotions – our children may not be able to understand or accurately ‘label’ emotions in themselves or other people, or may feel overwhelmed by their own and others’ emotions.

supporting them with the things that they’re interested in rather than trying to impose on them what you feel they should be doing Support and self-care for you – being in touch with others who are having similar experiences can be enormously helpful and local families may have invaluable tips relevant to your area (please search our resources directory for support groups near you). It’s also important to ensure you are caring for yourself as well as possible. Be inventive by linking activities to your child’s special interests or by using role play (e.g. your child could be the teacher for the day and teach her/his toys a social story or how to act in certain social situations) or by making a poster together that will tell other children how to behave. Distracting/turning things into a game: the idea here is to focus on something else other than the demand, so you might say “let’s see who can pull the silliest face between each item of clothing” when getting dressed or “let’s list the top 10 dinosaurs” whilst getting into the bath for instance.Our PDA Panda ambassador symbolises helpful approaches for PDA and the P A N D A mnemonic on our infographic below provides a useful summary: Many more generic autism resources – such as social stories, books, games, activities, computer games and apps – may also be helpful, but may require some creative adaption, or a more indirect form of implementation, to be effective with PDA children. Likewise therapists may need to adopt a tailored approach when working with PDA. Encourages curiosity and social wondering in children. Rather than teaching children to simply carry out our commands, this communication style provides opportunities for children to use language in a more authentic way. One aspect of social development that I work on with a lot of my clients is the concept of social wondering. While many children can ask questions (e.g., who, what, where) when they are directly prompted, the underlying skill in this case is wondering about the other person! If you aren’t wondering anything, you don’t have any reason to ask questions. On the other hand, when a child is curious, asking questions comes more naturally.

Allows our children to “hear our thoughts” and learn to self-regulate. As young children develop language, they narrate their activities out loud. Around the age of 4 or 5, this turns into their “inner voice” and they do this internally. We can give children a model so they begin to develop their own inner voice. I recommend that parents trying the advice in this book tread very carefully. While imperative language may invite conflict, declarative language can just as easily invite frustration. If your goal is to prompt observation of the child's surroundings without expecting a specific outcome, you'll be fine. If you expect your child to guess that they need to stand in line or clean up their room based on vague comments, you might be sorely disappointed. Interoception (internal senses from your body, such as hunger, thirst, pain and needing to use the toilet)See the positives– whilst supporting our children’s challenges, try not to lose sight of their many positive qualities. Recognising and regulating emotions is something most of our children find very difficult. Whilst our children are young, the adults around them will need to be very vigilant in spotting the signs that anxiety is escalating. As our children grow older and their emotional intelligence develops, they may be able to recognise their emotions and deploy their own coping skills more effectively. Books can be a good way to learn about emotions, and enable our children to develop understanding and skills, in a more indirect way. There are some general book ideas that may be helpful with this in the resources section.