Cock Piss Partridge - Alan Partridge Mens T Shirt

Product Information

Alan: You’ve gone again, GOODNIGHT! Alan is in his hotel room, reading an article by Tony Hayers on a sweep up at the BBC, Alan reacts immediately by reeling off some ideas for programmes into his Dictaphone:

Pray silence please, for the Electric Light Orchestra. It’s the end of Alan’s show, and Dave Clifton takes over with the breakfast show: Alan: Rolled on the thighs of a virgin! I’m being bawdy, Lynn. Enjoy it. [Lynn does a false laugh] He might make that noise. Be a bit weird. Right. You said you might give me a second series. Why is there any doubt? Alan: Lynn I’m not coming to your Baptist church! They always get people when they’re down! I don’t want salvation, I just want to be able to say “I’m Alan Partridge.” “Join me tonight when my guests will be”… I don’t know “Chris Rea”. Actually he lives in the area. Could have had him over. Alan acts out a conversation he may have had with Chris Rea if he lived in the same area: Alan: A-ha! [Estate agent looks perplexed] Alan meets Tony Hayers for lunch to discuss Alan’s future at the BBC:Alan: I’ll be honest, I’m pretty curious. I’d basically like to understand man’s inhumanity to man. Then make a programme about it. Tony: There is to be no second series. And I’ve listened to your ideas, I’ve listened to them all, and I haven’t liked a single one of them. A measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of Paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out. Alan: You know what this room says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It’s like being inside an enormous Fox’s Glacier Mint, which again to me is a bonus. It wouldn't have been round! It's very Cluedo this house, isn't it? Colonel Mustard in the en-suite bathroom with the lead pipe.

Cast: Steve Coogan (Alan Partridge), Phil Cornwell (Dave Clifton), Barbara Durkin (Susan), Simon Greenall (Michael), Felicity Montagu (Lynn Benfield), Sally Phillips (Sophie), David Schneider (Tony Hayers), Terence Booth (Peter Linehan), Philip Fox (Estate Agent), Matthew James (Waiter), David Prescott (Stephen Brai) That was "Big Yellow Taxi" by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains that they paved Paradise to put up a parking lot. Alan: Right. That mean there will be noise or there won’t be noise? Difficult one to figure out, that. But they’re just deaf, they’re not deaf offenders? I realised I had nothing to worry about. The man was a perfect gentleman. But if you told me 25 years ago that I would be talking about rigid inflatable hulls with Dale Winton I would probably have spat at you. Alan: People want to err… did he ever turn all the lights off in the house and run towards you with a torch, hoping to try and catch the reflection in your eyes?

Navigation menu

Throughout the questions I will be remaining impartial at all times. I will remain Pontius Partridge. Alan to Room Service: Hi, erm, can I have an Irish coffee delivered to the room please? No? Right. Tea? Erm, can of Fanta? Minibar, no I’ll get it myself. Alan: Abandon that, Lynn, it’s not working. Ok, doomsday scenario. You, Tony Hayers, have decide not to give me another television series. Why? Be tough. Later we'll be taking dedications for anyone wrongly turned down for planning permission. Also, I'll be asking: Which is the worst monger? Fish, iron, rumour or war?

Lynn: Things have to be compartmentalised, Alan. For example, in this drawer. [Lynn opens a drawer and notices some pornographic material]. You erm. You have things. And erm, sometimes you have too many things. Alan: Well, you know, whatever. Because that is me. You know, because I e-volve but I don’t re-volve. Or vice versa. I suppose what you are trying to say is, you don’t want another Chris Evans on your hands. Alan: Right. What’s this? It’s a cast iron egg tree, lacquered. Is that included? I mean it’s not a deal breaker but I would like to know.Alan: Oh, good.Have you got my fungal foot powder? It’s a life saver you know. I’d effectively be disabled if it weren’t for these.

Alan: Bloody BBC!. [Alan notices people from the BBC sitting outside] What are you sitting around for? Haven’t you got programmes to make? No, you’re all on the BBC gravy train. Wish I was. [To Lynn] Take this cheese.I would've taken it off sooner but I was having a fascinating conversation with the proud father of Norfolk's most sun-tanned child. Just passed his details on to the Social Services. commenting on random clips of football/soccer matches in a build up to the upcoming 1994 FIFA World Cup): Shit! Did you see that!? He must have a foot like a traction engine. Striker! And that, was a gooooooal! The proof is in the pudding and in this case the pudding, is a football...