The Viz Book of Crap Jokes: A Pitiful Array of Poor Quality Jokes from the pages of Viz

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Bob Mortified - One-off strip in which Bob Mortimer goes fishing with Paul Whitehouse. After failing to catch a single fish, Mortimer is so embarrassed he bursts into tears; while Whitehouse decides he'd rather fish with Harry Enfield instead. What's gone wrong with the world today, nowadays I can't even beat the wife about a bit without fear of intervention from social services or even fear of prosecution. Its PC gone mad.

PC Plod – a police officer who carries a woven bag, wears sandals and is more concerned with the criminal's human rights than arresting them. Having depression is a lot like winning the lottery! I'm heavily taxed and don't want to tell my family. Graffiti Art - a young man desperately trying to offend others with obscene graffiti but only succeeds in being recognised as a talented street artist pushing boundaries. Robin Hood and Richard Littlejohn – Richard Littlejohn joins Robin Hood on a mission to rescue Maid Marion, while complaining about the gay agenda plotting to take over Sherwood Forest. Beddley Wetterton - A strip about a man who attempts to wet his bed, but his various flatmates keep preventing him to do so.Busted – who, until they disbanded in 2005, occasionally appeared in strips (as well as spoof interviews and other features in the magazine) portraying them as pyromaniacs/ arsonists who would set anything on fire "for a laugh". James Bourne would always be referred to by the wrong name, making fun of his status as the "least famous" of the group.

Little Plumber – Spoof of Beano comic strip Little Plum, in which the American Indian is a jobbing [ clarification needed] plumber.

YOUNG mothers: Calm hysterically crying children in the supermarket by firmly slapping their legs and then tugging them along by the wrist.

Randall and Diana (Deceased) – a controversial one-off parody of Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) with Diana, Princess of Wales taking the place of Hopkirk to become "the people's ghost private detective". She and Randall investigate the claims of a man who believes his wife is having an affair, only to discover that the woman is in fact selling landmines to Africa; at which Diana promises "Dead or alive, I'm determined to put a stop to it." The strip attracted press controversy because of the real Princess Diana's then-recent death. Crypto Nige – A man who tries to get his uninterested friends and family to invest in cryptocurrency, only to end up losing all his money. Little Old Man – A young boy who acts like a stereotypical elderly man and at the end of the strip ends up being taken to a retirement home. He was introduced as the counterpart of Playtime Fontayne, but, unlike Playtime, he has so far only been a one-off strip. Lonely Sidney Sidebottom – A one off strip from the early 1980s (also featured in The Big Hard One annual) about a single man who has difficulties talking to women.Mr Rudewords – a one-off strip about a man with coprolalia, who shouts allegedly rude words such as "toilet seats!" at socially inappropriate times. CAR THIEVES: Don't be discouraged if nothing is on view. The valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

Brian Cunt – a representative from a gas supply company, who, when called out to a suspected gas leak, does nothing to help and instead pressures the customer to buy a new central heating system they do not need, resulting in the house blowing up. Ivan Jelical – an evangelistic fundamentalist Christian whose proselytising is spectacularly unsuccessful. He is only ever happy when he is God-bothering, "comforting" grieving widows with descriptions of their husbands' (supposed) sufferings in Hell and getting himself beaten up in the process. On one occasion, after failing to convert a single person all day he hung himself (though this did not stop him reappearing alive in a new strip a few months later). He (and his fellow evangelists) are often portrayed with "spinning" eyes, a display of their unawareness of the real world. The Modern Parents – and their long-suffering children, Tarquin and Guinevere. The two, Malcolm and Cressida, are middle-class, left-wing, self-absorbed and sanctimonious, often waxing lyrical about issues such as environmentalism. Their two sons, Tarquin and Guinevere (who was given a girls' name as his parents did not want to conform to gender stereotypes) are more down-to-earth, with Tarquin often, usually unsuccessfully, trying to reason with his parents. Laurie Driver – the schizophrenic long-distance driver of an articulated lorry, who murders female hitchhikers and dumps their bodies by the roadside. Initially the strip focused on Laurie's serial killing, but later strips show him having other vices such as drinking on the job or involvement in people smuggling. They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local.

Crap Jokes – a diverse range of verbal and visual puns or one-liners, usually deliberately corny or old-fashioned. The best known of the Crap Jokes are seemingly endless "Doctor, Doctor" gags, with the reader's sympathy drawn to the endlessly hapless straight man Doctor. One Man and his God – A one off strip featuring a shepherd praying to God to round up the sheep by striking thunder and lightning at them. Drake's Cake - He's Got a Cake For Heaven's Sake - A strip about Sir Francis Drake trying to protect a cake.