Joined in 2023 
82 
63 About this deal
When Do I Tell Them? A big question that comes up around being trans and dating is when to tell someone you’re trans. The answer to this largely depends on when you feel comfortable and safe, and while there’s no magical formula that spits out a date, there are two guiding factors to help you determine the big ‘When’. The primary factor, and it’s one that must be taken seriously, is consent around sex. Not only is it the right thing to do (and hey, consent is totally hot), it’s also the legal thing you have to do.) I think the best way is through listening, education, and having compassion. You don’t need to understand everything to be able to support someone. You just need to listen to how they’re feeling, and allow them the freedom to be themselves.”
This might not even be in person, so think carefully before you trust someone with personal information and photos (including those naughty nudes). You wouldn’t want those being shared without your permission or used to out you in wider contexts. If you are meeting in person, please make sure that you tell a trusted person in your life who you are meeting and where. This should be a general dating rule but is especially important if you plan on coming out on that particular date, just in case you’ve found a toxic frog. Author Jamie Raines. (Image: Provided)Hey, I'm Jamie, a 29-year-old trans guy from the UK. I've been transitioning for 12 years now after realising I was trans (by accident!) at sixteen years old. I knew I was a boy since the age of four, but realised whilst growing up that I was different. It was only in my teens that I found the words to express who I was and what I needed to do. Since then, I've been on testosterone for more than a decade - I know, I can't believe it either - I've also had top and bottom surgery and legally changed my sex, so I know a few things about the transitioning process and being trans! Discover what it means to be a young transgender and/or non-binary person in the twenty-first century in this candid and funny guide for teens from the bestselling author of This Book is Gay. But already one of my annoyances - the description here says 'for 14+' as many LGBT books do by default, but the author has already said “it’s a book of everything I wish I’d known when I was twelve” (p21) and it feels clearly aimed to be accessed by 11+ (and younger by artwork but not by language). It's one of those little things about LGBT books that publishers etc do that winds me up. I wanted to add something that was a combination of my personal journey mixed with the personal journeys of others. Sadly, most of this coverage comes from people who hold negative, and often incorrect and ill informed, views on the trans community. These articles, presented as thing pieces, often contain very open and obvious transphobia, and help to spread this by not challenging these lies, or featuring trans voices to oppose them. Just this month the BBC has stated that it doesn't feel it needs to include trans voices on programmes such as Newsnight to counter negative views on trans people.
Jamie emphasises on multiple occassions that there is no right or wrong way to be trans and goes out of his way to highlight the experiences of trans men other than himself as well as experiences of trans women and nonbinary individuals who he himself can not speak for. This mix of voices makes the content even more validating for those whose experiences may not be conventional. As a cisgender ally to the LGBTQ+ community Juno has taught me so much. This book has made me question things about my own gender identity (I've realised there is much about myself which is gender-nonconforming), made me think about how I can be a better ally and as a parent how best I could respond if one of my own children came out as trans. I first realised I was trans when I was 16 when I came across a documentary about a young trans guy and realised that there was a way to describe how I’d been feeling my whole life. It was scary and relieving at the same time, and I began the journey of self-discovery. I’d remind my younger self to be who I am, and to never be ashamed of that. Oh – and to Google ‘transgender’. It would have been great to have found the words to understand myself a little bit earlier!” The ‘T’ in question here is of course the T in LGBTQ+. And this important book aims to help readers explore and understand all things transgender.He says: ‘From a trans perspective, I think that there’s so many places, in mainstream media in particular, where you don’t hear trans voices being uplifted positively. I genuinely thought that my only way to experience dating and relationships was to delay coming out and transitioning. I was 16 at the time, I identified as a lesbian, and had been in two relationships so far, neither of which had felt right because I didn’t feel right. They also … just … weren’t right. I really wanted to experience those ‘typical teenage moments of dating. Flirting, going on a cringey date, having that ‘do they/don’t they like me’ panic. But I just couldn’t hold off being myself. This is all sounding really sad, but I’m pleased to report that none of my fears were true. I’ve been in a relationship for the past 11 years with someone who loves me and accepts me fully for who I am.
Great Deal 
New Comment