Nun Puns Fucks Given None Zero Nuns Don't Care Dirty Finger Sweatshirt

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I’m not convinced you can destroy the Oxford English Dictionary.” “Oh, you haven’t seen me with a thesaurus.” – Simon Pegg and Kate Ashfield, Shaun of the Dead Father, you ought to be careful. You of all people should know that if you continue to blaspheme like that, surely the Lord will strike you down with lightning.” The ghost chef made incredible desserts because he always added a ghostly white “sheet” of whipped cream on top. The second nun said “that’s great! The carrots are doing great too, they’re this big” and showed them how big it is with her hands.

My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish,” said God. Two Irish nuns were visiting Scotland for the first time when they saw a burly Scot wearing a traditional kilt. One nun whispered to the other, “Do ye suppose it’s true what they say? That they dinna wear anything underneath their kilts?” This went on for hours until finally the priest says, "let's settle this once and for all. We all jump off a cliff, and whoever's God saves him will we know that theirs is the true faith. " After thinking about it, the other two agreed. So a man walks into confession and says “Forgive me father, for I have sinned”. The priest says “What have you done, my son?” This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. “Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life.”

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I’ve only been a nun for six weeks, and in that time I’ve managed to set the convent on fire, aided the escape of a convicted murderer, and broken up a police stakeout.” – Whoopi Goldberg, Sister Act One of the priests couldn't stand it and said. “Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?” A nun, 3 penguins, and a guy with a parrot on his shoulder walk into a bar The bartender says, what is this? a joke? The driver looks in the rear view mirror and says, “Excuse me sister, I’ve always fantasised about having sex with a nun.”

Why did the nun refuse to play cards with the other sisters? She didn’t want to habit them of gambling. What did the bishop say when he saw an ex-nun walking down the street? “There’s a nun in a layperson’s coat!” Nuns hate it when people assume they’re all uptight, but they do take their vocation pretty seriously.

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired and the nun didn’t want to get involved.

Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens. The other nun rolls down the window and yells “Get the bloody hell out of middle of the road asshole!” My friend and I were playing chess. Then, he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So, we stopped playing chess.

What did the mischievous nun say during a game of darts? “I’m aiming for the bull’s eye, with divine precision!”

nuns are flashed by a pervert in a trench coat 2 of them had a s**.... The other one didn't want to touch it. Again she nodded at each of them, said: 'Good morning, Father,' and 'Good morning, Father.' and started to walk away. Two nuns are riding down a street on bikes One says to the other "I've never come this way before."Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I’ve been drinking gin and tonic and breaking commandments.” – Julia Roberts, Eat Pray Love