I'm Ok, You're Ok

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The adult is different from the parent, which is judgemental in an imitative way and seeks to enforce sets of borrowed standards, and front the Child, which tends to react more abruptly on the basis of prelogical thinking and poorly differentiated or distorted perceptions’ As several decades have elapsed since Harris published I'm OK, You're OK, some of the cultural references which were relevant at the time of the book's publication are now less accessible to contemporary readers not familiar with the period. We are a team of experienced counsellors and trainers dedicated to providing therapeutic support to children and young people aged 4-25 yrs with emotional/mental health needs.

When we see the world from an 'I'm OK, you're OK' perspective, we feel safe. Knowing that we’re safe, we can trust people. We feel a sense of belonging and because of this, we feel welcomed, accepted by and equal to our fellow humans. We are warm and approachable, able to empathise with others, treating them with honesty and equity. We care for ourselves and others, seeking out similar people who reciprocate and value us in the same way. We're able to make and keep good relationships*, having good boundaries in place. If we need help with something, we're able to ask for it. We know that we are enough and we feel good about ourselves; we have good self esteem. Our thinking can be broad and encompassing, incorporating the needs and views of others; we can be open-minded. Like the flowers in the garden, we're able to move with the wind; we're flexible and open to change. For instance, the Natural Child is good at finding and highlighting good things about ourselves… the Critical Parent ES may spew out our negative self-talk… The Vulnerable Child usually takes a Victim position of hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness… while the Angry/Defiant Child may persecute others by projecting their contempt outwardly. Existential or Psychological Positions Harris began learning the theories of Transactional Analysis around 1960 directly from the creator of Transactional Analysis, Dr. Eric Berne MD. Harris observed the runaway success Dr. Berne achieved with Games People Play in 1964. Despite the numerous literary accomplishments of Games, Harris felt that he could simplify Berne’s theories even more and make them more accessible to a wider audience. Through the Adult the little person can begin to tell the difference between life as it was taught and demonstrated to him (Parent), life as he felt it or wished it or fantasized it (Child), and life as he figures it out by himself (Adult).”

Life Scripts: 7 Elements

I’m Not-OK…You’re Not-OK” (futility position – Hopeless, Helplessness, or Worthlessness)This is the position of those who lose interest in living, who exhibit eccentric behavior, and in extreme cases, may commit suicide or homicide. This is a position that one must work themselves into. It takes time – or some very severe trauma– for things to get so bad that all defenses collapse leaving this person unprotected from their pain.When things are at their worst, it’s a toss-up as to whether all that pain and hostility will be pointed inward resulting in a suicide attempt…or outward resulting in a homicide/suicide attempt. In I’m OK – You’re OK, Dr. Thomas A. Harris takes the ideas of transactional analysis, as outlined by Dr. Eric Berne, and simplifies them for the mass audience. Hemminger, Hansjörg. Grundwissen Religionspsychologie. Ein Handbuch für Studium und Praxis. Herder 2003, pp. 59f. This Transactional Analysis Overview goes through the Ego states Model, the “Drama triangle” and the “OK Corral” Withdrawal, rituals, activities, and pastimes, keep people apart and stand in the way of an emotional connection (also read: turning towards based on Gottman’s research). Games make the relationship combative. Intimacy Is Only Possible With “I’m OK”

Once we feel that we are not OK in a world of OK people, that’s when we play games, says the author. Instead, the confession of an Adult makes a critical assessment of where change is possible and looks for ways to make that change happen. Aroused feelings, says Thomas Harris, is a sign that the child has been hooked. Strengthening Our Adult (& Overcoming Inner Child & Parent) So when transactional analysts represented alcoholism as a “life script” for example, they only made themselves sound a bit ridiculous (see: rational wiki).

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A third thing that makes people want to change is the sudden discovery that they can. This has been an observable effect of Transactional Analysis. Many people who have shown no particular desire to change have been exposed to Transactional Analysis through lectures or by hearing about it from someone else. This knowledge has produced an excitement about new possibilities, which has led to their further inquiry and a growing desire to change. There is also the type of patient who, although suffering from disabling symptoms, still does not really want to change. His treatment contract reads, "I'll promise to let you help me if I don't have to get well." This negative attitude changes, however, as the patient begins to see that there is indeed another way to live. A working knowledge of P-A-C makes it possible for the Adult to explore new and exciting frontiers of life, a desire which has been there all along but has been buried under the burden of the NOT OK.”

I’m OK, You’re Not OK: children of abusive parents, while recovering from wounds, can switch to a criminal stance were they see themselves as OK, but they parents -and later the world- are not OK Harris was a good friend of Eric Berne, founder of Transactional Analysis and author of the popular book “ Games People Play“. Harris disagreed with Berne on a few concepts, but was overall a major proponent of Transactional Analysis. PAC: Parent, Adult, Child The overall communication sounds adult, but secondary communication here is in the word hide, which comes from the parent.This is a relatively rare position, but perhaps occurs where people unsuccessfully try to project their bad objects onto others. As a result, they remain feeling bad whilst also perceive others as bad.This position could also be a result of relationships with dominant others where the other people are viewed with a sense of betrayal and retribution. This may later get generalized from the bullies to all others people. More information and further reading A robust model of school-based counselling including supporting documentation and information about counselling, safeguarding and well-being that will inspire confidence, trust and strong relationships