The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life

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These were good people who truly "Shared The Love" - we remember them fondly and still fly their kites & banners But in some ways, I’m like an old woman – lived it, seen it, done it, been there, have the T-shirt.” Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: stuff you pay good money for in later life.”

When I was young, I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is.” Absent Friends ~ Absent Friends ~ Absent Friends ~ Absent Friends ~ Absent Friends ~ Absent Friends Some conversations drew everyone in. Some deserved to have bus trips turning up to eavesdrop. Such as George describing having some koi carp in a plastic bag in a box. “The box said ‘This way up’ on it. I don’t think the fish were bothered which way up they were.” Others have no one at home. Steve said: “I’m separated. This is a good way to get out and see people. I look forward to it. You go out of here with a big smile on your face.” Holy Christ, what da you know – I’m still around!’ It’s absolutely amazing that I survived all the booze and smoking and the cars and the career.”I keep fit. Every morning, I do a hundred laps of an Olympic-sized swimming pool – in a small motor launch.” The club has several days out a year. “It has to be somewhere where there’s a pub,” pointed out George. If anyone had reason to be glum it was Michael. After all, the Allonby Tea Rooms owner was the only member of the club working.

One of the good things about getting older is you find you’re more interesting than most of the people you meet.” As Britain’s population grows gradually older, more and more of us revel in being miserable old gits. I would not want it to be thought that I had lived for all these years without having anything to show for it.”For as actor Maurice Chevalier remarked, old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative. ACCEPTING OLD AGE Andy Barnard’s T-shirt bore the words ‘Warning – Grumpy Old Para’. Several members are ex-servicemen. Several, including Tony Thompson, moved to Allonby from elsewhere in the country. Gits sans Frontières ~ Gits ohne Grenzen ~ Gits bez Granic ~ Gits uden Grænser ~ Gits sonder Grense

The News & Star photographer arrived. I was delighted when David took a pound from him. “If you want the grumpy look, take a picture of George,” said David. I heard snippets of conversation between a few of the chaps, on topics including airport parking and health and safety. (The latter was not generally regarded as a good thing). In January they’re off to Lancaster Leisure Park, which features an antiques centre. “We feel we may have something in common with them,” said David. Hundreds of pounds has been raised and donated to good causes including Cancer Research and Great North Air Ambulance. Mainly, words fail me! It’s really nice having a community thing for the blokes. There’s not much for men out here that doesn’t involve the pub. We’ve got people who have been in a lot of different jobs and situations. They’ll all got good stories to tell.”

I came up from Kent,” said Tony. “I don’t know the area. This lot tells me the different things that are going on. They’re a fount of knowledge.” I am getting to an age when I can enjoy the last sport left. It is called hunting for your spectacles.” Probably just as well. Can you imagine what would happen if the Grumpy Old Gits got their teeth into Brexit?

They like being grumpy, but it seems you can take these things too far. Politics and religion are not encouraged as topics of conversation. I’ve got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you’re 71 years old. People just think I’m a silly old fool.”There’s no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age – 80 seems about right – when you’re expected to manifest querulousness – the coffee’s too hot, the boiled egg’s too soft …” thus sharing is a two way process of giving and taking equally - if you cannot see that, you do not belong here) There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?”