What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People

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The limbic brain was responsible for getting us safely to the next cave the second we saw a lion thousands of years ago, which is why it’s always on and can’t afford to have us “think things through”. You’ve probably heard of this before as fight-or-flight response. But actually, that’s only two thirds of the equation. Most of us spend our days not paying more attention to our environment than we must. This leads us to miss much of what is going on in our environment, especially nonverbal communication from others. The book lays out a complete guide for learning how to read this nonverbal communication and how it applies in various situations. A brief touch of the eyes during a conversation may give you a clue to a person’s negative perception of what is being discussed. We show discomfort when we do not like what is happening to us, when we do not like what we are seeing or hearing, or when we are compelled to talk about things we would prefer to keep hidden. We display discomfort first in our physiology, due to arousal of the limbic brain.

on body language (including examples of nonverbal behavioral clues used to solve actual FBI cases). Some of the material will surprise you. For example, if you had to choose the most “honest” part of a person’s body—the part that would most likely reveal an individual’s true feeling or intentions—which part would you select? Take a guess. Once I reveal the answer, you’ll know a prime place to look when attempting to decide what a business associate, family member, date, or total stranger is thinking, feeling, or intending. I will also explain the physiological basis for nonverbal behavior, the role the brain plays in nonverbal behavior. I will also reveal the truth about detecting deception as no counterintelligence agent has done before. I firmly believe that understanding the biological basis for body language will help you appreciate how nonverbal behavior works and why it is such a potent predictor of human thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Therefore, I start the next chapter with a look at that magnificent organ, the human brain, and show how it governs every facet of our body language. Before I do so, however, I will share an observation concerning the validity of using body language to understand and assess human behavior. When we don’t want to see or be around someone, we’ll often shift our feet to turn away as a sign of being displeased or wanting to disengage. This is all automatic and unregistered behavior. Joe says there’s another part of this response, the “freeze” reaction, and it actually comes before flight, with actually fighting being our last resort.Lots of animals freeze in place when a predator is about to sneak around the corner, because movement attracts attention. By remaining silent, the predator might pass by and let them go unnoticed. Learn Baseline Behavior: Baseline behavior is how people normally look, sit, move and behave. Once you know the baseline comfortable behavior, you will recognize when they’re not comfortable. C O M F O R T/D IS C O MFOR T A N D PACIF IERS To borrow a phrase from the old Star Trek series, the “prime directive” of the limbic brain is to ensure our survival as a species. It does this by being programmed to make us secure by avoiding danger or discomfort and seeking safety or comfort whenever possible. It also allows us to remem-Eye-gaze behavior: When we look directly at someone’s eyes we either like them, are curious about them, or we want to threaten them. discomfort in lying to the police about her fugitive son caused her limbic system to generate a pacifying behavior that tipped her hand and gave her away. Facial blushing and blanching: It’s our response to an impactful, major event. Our blood is siphoned off from our faces in preparation for a flight or fight situation.

W H AT E X A CTLY IS N ON VER B A L COMMUNICATION? Nonverbal communication, often referred to as nonverbal behavior or body language, is a means of transmitting information—just like the spoken word—except it is achieved through facial expressions, gestures, Nonverbal communication is so important that two complete strangers who don’t share a language can still become friends. The author himself experienced this: when he first migrated from Cuba to the US at age eight, he could only understand his classmates by reading their body language. He eventually learned English, but he’d already made friends before that. The comforting behaviors are the so-called Pacifying Behaviors (in other sources are called “adapters”). When we feel positive, the chin comes out and the nose is high: both signs of comfort and confidence. When we are uncomfortable with those around us, we tend to distance ourselves from them. This is especially true of individuals trying to deceive us.Or consider Chris Hughes, who used a simple gesture of respect to let him and his team walk away from an Iraqi ambush unharmed. We often don’t understand what other people’s bodies are trying to tell us, because we’re not good at reading them, but when we do, we can be sure what we find out is the truth. The 3 major and most useful classifiers of nonverbal discomfort signs are “freeze”, “flight” and “fight”

I was at my mother’s house a few weeks ago watching television and eating ice cream with members of the family. It was late at night and someone rang the doorbell (something that is very unusual in her neighborhood). Suddenly, in the midst of eating, everyone’s hands froze—adults and children alike—as if choreographed. It was amazing to see how we all reacted with “hands flash frozen” at precisely the same moment. It turned out that the visitor was my sister who had forgotten her keys. But of course we didn’t know it was her ringing the bell. It was a beautiful example of the hardwired communal response to perceived danger, and of the first limbic reaction, which is to freeze. Soldiers in combat react the same way. When the “point man” freezes, everyone freezes; nothing needs to be said. The numbers often vary, which is why I’m lowballing it here. I remember the opening scene from Hitch – The Date Doctor, where Will Smith says that 60% of communication is body language, while 30% is tone. Flight: This manifests in distancing yourself. Turning your body, closing your eyes, rubbing your eyes, putting hands on the face, turning your feet away. More pictures would have been nice. Some interactive links to some videos would have made it an even more wow book. But for a non-interactive video, little to criticize, it’s just great. Review Manage sweaty hands: Sweaty hands tend to happen because of nervousness, so they’re a possible sign of nervousness.When you observe Pacifying Behavior you can guess that someone is in a state of discomfort and had a negative response to something. While our faces can be very honest in displaying how we feel, they do not always necessarily represent our true sentiments. This is because we can, to a degree, control our facial expressions and, thus, put on a false front. accurately, watch the feet and the legs; they are truly remarkable and honest in the information they convey. The lower limbs must be viewed as a significant part of the entire body when collecting nonverbal intelligence. Men adjust their ties to deal with insecurities or discomfort. It also covers the suprasternal notch.

The power of a handshake: Joe Navarro says you should avoid the famous power plays of rotating your hand on top or putting your second hand on top. Who I would recommend this book for: Someone interested in practicing and developing the techniques of reading nonverbal communication. A sneer fleetingly signifies disrespect or disdain. It says “I care little about you or your thoughts.”Weak shoulder displays: Shoulders coming up towards the head -the turtle pose- is a strong sign of major discomfort in the situation. The players of a losing team will do it, or the employees about to report on their accomplishments who haven’t had many accomplishments. 5. Nonverbals of the Arms The Flight Response One purpose of the freeze response is to avoid detection by dangerous predators or in dangerous situations. A second purpose is to give the threatened individual the opportunity to assess the situation and determine the best course of action to take. When the freeze response is not adequate to eliminate the danger or is not the best course of action (e.g., the threat is too close), the second limbic response is to get away by use of the flight response. Obviously, the goal of this choice is to escape the threat or, at a minimum, to distance oneself from danger. Running, of course, is useful when it is practical, and as a survival mechanism our brain di- most “spotting a liar mechanisms” are based on the idea that if someone is lying, they might not be too experienced in it and will need to put a lot of mental load on the lie. Dominant men might also put their arms around the date on the first date as if it were her property. Some men might also put an arm around their woman it when they feel there’s a lot of competition around, which is one of the reasons why I wouldn’t recommend you do the same.