To Have and to Hold: Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma

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El libro es muy frustrante en ese sentido, porque Joe es asqueroso y no entiendes por qué alguien como Alice aguantaría tanto tiempo a su lado, cuando ni siquiera disfruta el estilo de vida que le proporciona estar con alguien como él. La forma que tiene Joe de justificar sus infidelidades es repulsiva, y, encima, cuando ves que sí hay otra persona que es perfecta para Alice, que la entiende y la quiere tal y como es ella, también te da pena porque la situación de esa persona pone a Alice en un gran compromiso. In the [United] States, a woman is looked after, by herself and by others, only so long as her body is a receptacle for the baby. Attention then transfers to the needs of the infant. To ask for respite to betray not only weakness and helplessness, but selfishness. You should be prepared for the emotional and physical demands of your new motherly role and you should like them, too. Alice seperti menemukan hidupnya kembali. Dia mulai membenahi rumah di pedesaan yang dulunya dimiliki oleh Rachel Danbury, seorang penulis. Kehidupan rumahtangganya mulai berantakan karena Alice lebih sering berada di rumah desanya sementara Joe menetap di Manhattan. On changing relationship dynamics: "Generally, a new mother is primarily concerned with getting adequate support in caring for the new baby, and a new father is primarily concerned--though perhaps less consciously--with the fear that he has been usurped by the baby. Indeed, the feeling new fathers often have in relation to their wives is one of being irrelevant, or at least less relevant than they used to be, and this is typically a very painful feeling to bear." (169)

Marriage. Gender Roles. Self-identity. Self-awareness. How and why all these things - which may have only just stabilized depending on when a couple enters parenthood -- are so shaken by the arrival of a first child. Kebetulan (*sigh*) Harry yang sudah putus dengan Emily, mendapat tawaran bekerja di sebuah nursery di dekat rumah desa Alice. Johnston, writing from Percy’s point of view, portrays Jocelyn in epic terms: “As I gazed with all my eyes, I found more than grace and beauty in that wonderful face,—found pride, wit, fire, determination, finally shame and anger.” Lord Carnal, as his name unsubtly suggests, represents a threatening and dishonorable sexuality: “The bravado with which he spoke, the insolence of his bold glance and curled lip, the arrogance with which he flaunted that King’s favor which should be a brand more infamous than the hangman’s, his beauty, the pomp of his dress,—all were alike hateful.” De Jane Green solo había leído un libro anteriormente, hace ya bastantes años, pero aun así sabía exactamente lo que esperar de ella: una historia ligera, que enganche, con unos personajes lo suficientemente interesantes como para querer meterte sus vidas y especialmente una lectura con la que no haya que pensar mucho, que a veces es lo que apetece. Y sí, exactamente eso me encontré al leer Hechizada. To Have and to Hold is the story of an English soldier, Ralph Percy, turned Virginian explorer in colonial Jamestown. Ralph buys a wife for himself– a girl named Jocelyn Leigh– little knowing that she is the escaping ward of King James I, fleeing a forced marriage to Lord Carnal. Jocelyn hardly loves Ralph and, indeed, she seems to abhor him. Carnal, Jocelyn's husband-to-be, eventually comes to Jamestown, unaware that Ralph Percy and Jocelyn Leigh are man and wife.Also, her ideas of equality in marriage send the message that traditional arrangements are always harmful. She laments that 50/50 childcare is more of a dream than the norm, since women tend to take on the brunt of domestic duties even when they are working equal hours to their husbands, but even when she is writing about stay-at-home moms, she conveys a sense of judgment about how much more involved women are, and how much more parenthood affects them than their spouses. She views marriages as patriarchal and unequal when there isn't an even labor split, and that is absolutely unreasonable, especially considering the biological elements that she kept contradicting herself on. Most writers love what they do and I’m no exception. I love it when I get a germ of an idea and get it down on paper. I love breathing life into my characters. I love writing about women who persevere and prevail because that’s what I had to do to get to this point in time. It’s another way of saying it doesn’t matter where you’ve been, what matters is where you’re going and how you get there. The day I finally prevailed was the day I was inducted into the New Jersey Literary Hall of Fame. For me it was an awesome day and there are no words to describe it. Además, si algo tiene este libro, es que te entran ganas de comprarte una casita en las afueras, vivir una vida tranquila, pasar tus días dando paseos por la playa con tu perro y cuidando de tu jardín y contemplando las estrellas y disfrutando del silencio por la noche. El estrés de la ciudad apesta cada día más. There were some very moving and beautiful portions at the close of the book about how motherhood not only destabilizes marriages and a sense of self but also expands the same in ways that are probably only apparent with some distance. I found this very touching. The author is at her best when showing vulnerability.

Much like All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership, I couldn't bookmark the whole book, so here are my top passages that I want to remember: Printed in the Riverside Literature Series (1934) with introduction notes and suggestions by Grace Shoup. I love the way the ending of the book takes each of the characters from the book and tells you how they ended up later in life. I have always wondered after reading books what would actually happen to the characters and this answered all my questions. In my opinion an outstanding ending. So why didn’t I love it? Well, it wasn't written for my life situation, and that's okay. I still found a lot to appreciate. However, there were a couple problems I had with the book that felt more serious than "this doesn't apply to me."

CHAPTER XI IN WHICH I MEET AN ITALIAN DOCTOR

El papel de la mujer en este libro no es precisamente un modelo a seguir, porque Alice cambia de arriba abajo, suprime todos sus deseos, solo para poder complacer a un hombre que ni siquiera la quiere realmente, solo quiere lo que él desea que ella represente. Con Josie tres cuartas partes de lo mismo. Emily es algo distinta, y por suerte Alice se va dando cuenta con el tiempo de que esa felicidad que ella cree sentir es totalmente falsa, que solo podrá serlo si se quiere a sí misma, si vuelve a ser la persona que era antes de estar con Joe. A former journalist in the UK, she has had her own radio show on BBC Radio London, and is a regular contributor on radio and TV, including as well as regularly appearing on television shows including Good Morning America, The Martha Stewart show, and The Today Show. Each chapter pulled its own weight, but the one that prompted the bump from four to five stars was her overview of attachment theory (note: NOT attachment parenting. Different thing entirely) and its direct relevance to couples navigating transitions. I could see not only echoes of my marriage, but my childhood and even my parents' relationships to their parents. Sometimes life is handed to you. Sometimes it’s taken away without warning. For Kate Starr, her life is now about moving forward, not knowing if her husband has been killed in his tour of duty in Vietnam. Suddenly Kate must raise their two daughters by herself and struggle with the U.S. government to get news of her husband. Slowly but surely, her fight to be heard transforms Kate into a successful businesswoman ready to find love again and live life to the fullest—by learning to let go of the very things that mean the most to her . . . Alice knows she should be happy. A charming twenty-eight-year-old with a successful catering business, she’s always dreamed of a rose-covered cottage in the English countryside, filled with children and animals and home-cooked meals. Her favorite attire is comfy jeans, her best manicure features garden dirt under the nails. But when her teenage crush—the wealthy, dashing man-about-town Joe Chambers—wants to make her his bride, Alice is more than willing to play Cinderella to Joe’s prince. Never mind that he wants her to change—a diet, ice-blond highlights, stilettos, snooty gallery openings—and that he’s allergic to nature and kids. She tells herself she’s happy to sacrifice for love, and besides, with Joe’s stunning good looks and high-profile career at a top financial firm, every woman in London wants to be in her shoes.

the wife Alice was blind to all the signs which keeps nagging the wife that something is fishy,she keeps herself busy by socializing and in their country house,the hubby Joe just can't seem to have control on his lust ,seemed to be any woman who walked by he wanted to have sex with her,he is addicted to sex and seemed to me he might have missed out some therapy sessions in teens that is why now at age 38 he needed counseling and therapy on how to control his sexual urges Dia dan sahabatnya, Emily, tergila-gila dengan salah satu cowok bernama Joe. Kebetulan Joe ini teman kakak laki2 Alice. Joe digambarkan sebagai cowok yang charming, sukses, suka sekali flirting dan cenderung tidak setia pada pasangan (karena dia hiperseks) In a flourish of action, Percy, with the help of Pocahontas‘s brother Nantauquas and his pet panther, escapes the clutches of Lord Carnal. Percy then meets Opechancanough, who promises fidelity but secretly plans violence. Even Nantauquas turns on the Englishmen, telling Percy, “This is the red man’s land … When you first came we thought you were gods; but you have not done like the great white God who, you say, loves you so. You are wiser and stronger than we, but your strength and wisdom help us not: they press us down from men to children; they are weights upon the head and shoulders of a babe to keep him under stature.”The New York Times printed a letter, also in June, suggesting an unseemly similarity between To Have and to Hold and another historical romance of Virginia, The Head of a Hundred (1897) by Maud Wilder Goodwin; in a letter to her publisher, Johnston denied she had borrowed her plot from Goodwin. In 1901, E. F. Boddington adapted Johnston’s novel into a poorly received play of the same name, directed by Charles Frohman. Two silent films followed: one released in 1916, starring Wallace Reid and Mae Murray, and directed by George Melford; and one released in 1922, starring Bert Lytell and Betty Compson, and directed by George Fitzmaurice. A third film version, shot in Virginia and the Cayman Islands, was produced in 2012 but never released. at the end when Joe is thrown out he is in denial and he is sorry that he got caught he was expecting Alice to forgive him after all he is a red blooded male and she has forgiven him in the past(i skipped in between but one dialogue gave me this impression when he is thrown out) Dengan gaji dan tunjangan yang baru, Joe bisa membeli 1 apartemen di Manhattan dan rumah di daerah pedesaan.