Straight Up

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Rugby has been a saviour and a metaphor in her life, giving her a sense of purpose – at the centre of it all, the quest to help one another: team spirit and camaraderie. Tui says she’s given her rugby future considerable thought. At 31 – “81 in rugby years!” – she knows she won’t be on the field forever, and that’s “mind-boggling”. In Straight Up, Ruby writes about finally releasing the shame she carried for years after that night. What happens to us, especially what happens to us as children, doesn't need to define who we are as adults. And it's never too late to look into these things that happened to us. It’s kind of like grassroots. I can get in there and be like, ‘You know what bro, it’s really hard, but you’re going to have to have conversations with your parents and you might have to put a cap on how much money you’re giving them every month’. It’s like my people in these industries.”

Even though things weren’t perfect when I was little, I love both my mum and my dad dearly. They are such different people, and for a little while I was a bit sour at them for various reasons. But then I grew up a bit, I worked on my empathy and now I am just so thankful to both of them. Ruby on her 18th birthday with her Mum. I said, ‘I will not put anything in there that you’re not okay with’, and she felt a lot better. I said, ‘I really want to put in the Women’s Refuge and everything’. Obviously, she didn’t feel like…” Tui’s voice tapers off.What I saw with Bunts was that he understood all this — that the essence of a team is its culture and its bond, and he threw himself into helping us develop those things. For me, it was what came naturally anyway. It was what I’d always wanted. A family full of good people making the right choices in life. I had heard he was applying for the men’s coaching role so I had a feeling he would leave. “Yeah,” I said, wondering what that had to do with anything. Tui credits her loved ones for getting the team to gold and wants to thank anyone who has ever turned out to watch women’s rugby.

Okay,” he said. “I wanted to see what you thought. I’ve been thinking about it and if I apply I’m going to base it all around Māori culture. I’ll put culture at the centre, and we’ll have a player-led environment. All the senior players who stay on, I’ll make them the leadership group and I won’t chop and change it.” Later on, Lesh ended up living with Dad at Grandad’s house. She took over part of the basement, covered the walls in drawings and quotes and made it her own — she’s a real incredible artist. I had this internal guilt, I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I had no safe spaces at that time so it ate away. But after talking about, accepting it and releasing that guilt and shame [I realised that] sometimes these things happen.So she’s not ready to retire yet; she’s had great advice from the likes of mentor Keven Mealamu and the rugby players’ association. Tui's relatability and sense of humour have been on full display over the past 18 months and her star has shone to the point where she was at the centre of the advertising campaign for the Rugby World Cup, inviting the world to a family reunion in Aotearoa. Life is crazy, she says, and she’s not going to say yes to every potential sponsor or offer. “It’s like, well, what are you doing to make a difference?