‘Mum, What’s Wrong with You?’: 101 Things Only Mothers of Teenage Girls Know

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You missed a call from cousin Sarah — it can only mean one thing — she must want something from you. Mikkelsen K, Stojanovska L, Polenakovic M, Bosevski M, Apostolopoulos V. Exercise and mental health. Maturitas. 2017 Dec;106:48-56. doi:10.1016/j.maturitas.2017.09.003 It’s no doubt a vulnerable place to be in — but at the same time — honest communication is at the heart of all healthy relationships.

Riemann D, Krone LB, Wulff K, Nissen C. Sleep, insomnia, and depression. Neuropsychopharmacology. 2020 Jan;45(1):74-89. doi: 10.1038/s41386-019-0411-y. Epub 2019 May 9. PMID: 31071719; PMCID: PMC6879516. We’ve all had to deal with assholes before, but what do you do when those assholes are actually meant to be your nearest and dearest?

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Continuing the conversation, Lorraine talked to Sam and Gaby about what it’s like to be a teenager. “You have to test all the bits about yourself with the people least likely to reject you, don’t you? What’s it like being the worst I can possibly be? How will people react to me? Well, I’ll test that at home on mum while she’s making dinner, and see how she reacts! If she doesn’t like it, it’s probably not going to play out that well in the outside world. But whatever has gone before, it’s important to take responsibility for ourselves in the here and now. If things get really bad, you might want to put some distance between you and the person you are having problems with. One of the things that may be making you feel isolated from your family is that they seem to leave you out.

What is more important to me, would I rather be “right” or happy? 5) Don’t compare your family to others Whether you’re always the last to know important information or you never get invited to family gatherings —it’s difficult to feel close to someone when you feel like you’re on the outside looking in. Sweeney A, Filson B, Kennedy A, Collinson L, Gillard S. A paradigm shift: relationships in trauma-informed mental health services. BJPsych Adv. 2018;24(5):319-333. doi:10.1192/bja.2018.29

Why don’t my family care about me?

If your mom is immature, it may feel like you’ve always been the “mom” in the situation. This is what’s known as “ parentification,” Dr. Racine R. Henry, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. "It’s when children are expected to perform the physical/emotional/mental duties normally expected of a parent.” Parentification is unfair to experience as a kid because the parent/child roles are reversed. And as an adult, it can mean you have all sorts of conflict because your mom is unwilling to change, says Henry. Some are comfortable speaking words of affection, others prefer to show how they feel by giving their time, attention or even gifts. Whilst some people prefer little acts of devotion to show their support. The author approaches this special and exciting moment in her daughters' lives with great respect and care. All the while reminding us how challenging and revolutionary it is actually to be a teenage girl. Her insistence on maintaining self-control, pride, joy, support, humility in the face of their growth is vastly humane and sweet. There’s nothing wrong with a little dose of healthy competition — it encourages us to do our best and drives us forwards. When others don’t make time for you it can feel like you’re worth nothing. 8) They’re never around for important celebrations

For better or worse, the family relationships we have significantly shape us. But the good news is they are also far more resilient than we perhaps imagine.If a member of your family is physically abusive towards you this is clearly unacceptable and not something you should have to deal with alone. A child is rushed and not paying attention and accidentally breaks something. You are exasperated, rushed, and stressed yourself and the words come out of your mouth: What is wrong with you? Rather… be direct but also instructive: “Honey, let’s slow things down, it is OK, we are all rushing here and I know you did not mean to do that. Next time, just tell Mom or Dad that you are feeling rushed, stressed, or upset and we can discuss it. Let’s figure out what to do.”

Even in the most terrible of conditions, with little control over his own life, he concluded that he still always had the freedom to choose the meaning he gave events.

It’s up to you to decide what you will and won’t tolerate in your own life, be clear with others about it, and to enforce it when someone steps over the line. 4) Take the initiative to create the relationship you want Kabigting ER. Conceptual foreknowings: Integrative review of feeling overwhelmed. Nurs Sci Q. 2019;32(1):54-60. doi:10.1177/0894318418807931 If your family suggests you’re just being over-sensitive, are imagining it all or they always put the blame on you — they could be gaslighting you. 18) They don’t share with you We often end up tolerating behavior with our families that we wouldn’t accept from a friend or someone we were dating.