LESBIAN WIFE

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It overwhelmed me, just then, the sudden force of my wanting. I wanted my own big, strong butch. Someone who wasn’t looking for someone to help them grow, because they’ve done most of their growing already.

I was scared of so many things, and worried about, as usual, lesbian stereotypes — moving too fast, feeling too much. And I said so. It was one of our talents that week: saying absolutely everything that was on our minds, and processing until we felt we couldn’t possibly process anymore — at least, of course, until the next night. Mum cried. I cried. We convinced ourselves it was a phase. She asked me to make an effort to be be ‘normal’. I said I would.” It was only after a few days that we discovered what was going on—we were being called the lesbian couple. Someone in the hostel might have seen us stepping out of the bathroom. The women, experiencing stirrings of feminist thought without a vocabulary to express them as well as a desire for each other, find intellectual and emotional support on afternoons when their husbands are away. I would move into a house with some friends in Brooklyn, where a room had just magically opened up. There’d be a dog, and a yard. It would feel like a sign. (I’d start getting really into signs.)

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Nicolette, 26, wed her childhood sweetheart, Ryan, 27, in 2014, with the couple going on to have two children together. The BBC messaged Niya to tell her that we would be using images of a violet to illustrate the memes. We chose the symbol - which differs vastly from the symbols the women use - because lesbian women in the 1900s were said to give violets to their girlfriends. She plays the drums, loves cars — like, posts-on-car-forums-level loves cars — and follows tech news. She cares about clothes and buys a lot of hers vintage. She just got a tattoo commemorating Liverpool, her beloved football team.

My wife said she told me because she didn’t want me to find out in another way. I’d appreciate your advice. I would feel horrible, hurting a person I cared for, even though I was certain they wouldn’t be able to care for me in the years ahead in the way I needed them to — someone who I suspected, ultimately, wanted different things. How do you justify leaving a perfectly nice relationship, taking a blind chance that there might be something better for you out there — even if you’re right? Jamie mentioned that she’d previously passed on an Olivia cruise when she saw that a speaker booked for the trip was Lisa Vogel. Vogel, the creator and producer of the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, shut down the lesbian feminist women’s gathering in 2015 — closing its doors entirely, after 40 years as a safe haven of living lesbian history, rather than allowing out trans women to attend. For a lot of millennial queer women, myself included, MichFest is the perfect example of something beautiful and sacred we would have loved to take part in — something we’d be forever thankful for — if only, if only, they hadn’t seen trans women as the enemy. That night, Matie and Jamie convinced me (against my natural inclination to avoid live entertainment) to go to the evening’s scheduled attraction, a comedy set by Elvira Kurt. Before Elvira performed we were welcomed by Tisha, Olivia’s VP and our cruise director, who greeted the “ladies of Olivia” and announced a few of the events coming up over the next few days, including a meetup for the “Older, Wiser Lesbians,” or “OWLs.” (“Date me, OWLs!” Matie whisper-yelled next to me.) Anywhere we go, including New York, our home, if we’re not obviously engaged in some type of PDA, my identity, as a femme lesbian, is often erased. When I’m out of my comfort zone, I’m not hiding—but I’m hyper-aware of my safety and surroundings: A taxi driver when I’m traveling solo doesn’t need to know my sexuality or relationship status; strangers at a couple’s resort, where we’re staying to unwind, relax, and hopefully, let our guard down, had to be clued in, and, as the hospitality industry is seemingly learning to do, be accepting, make us feel welcome, regardless of who we are.

I’m loose and light and a little sleepy from my second Corona and a blossoming sunburn. Sure, I say, why not, thinking all the while: If any other 27-year-old lesbians could use a self-esteem boost, all they need to do, clearly, is get themselves on an Olivia cruise.

I would sob in a car to uptown Manhattan, where my friend Alia would take me in her arms and tell me it was all going to be OK. US government records say that a lesbian couple was arrested in 2012 but released. Other than that, little else is documented. Then something happened that she didn’t anticipate. Leila’s brother went through her phone and found the text she had sent to her friend. We’re still married and we still live together in our house with our kids,” Nicolette told South West News Service in a recent interview. “For right now, what we do works. We’re trying to figure out our careers and trying to make sure that our kids have the best outcome.”

In the office, nothing changed. Both of us swore not to tell anyone else. I dodged questions from friends about my relationship status like bullets - the lies were worth it for the delirium I felt when I was with her. It’s important to be honest with yourself and with her or you might be setting yourself up for heartache down the line. Most Read The first issue here is your marriage. You need to make a decision about that before committing to anyone else. In fact you should have a break from the woman to sort out your feelings about your marriage and think about if it can be fixed - being very honest with yourself and your husband. If you decide to split from your husband do it because it's best for you and your family and not because of her. You have a lot to think about so don't rush into anything and take it step by step. I would write in my journal, the night before leaving: “There’s something so deliriously pleasurable in the idea of trusting myself enough to know exactly what I want.” It's more than a kind of first love. It's a first everything: first friendship, first real companion, intellectual companion. There's a trust from the first moment they look at each other, that this person understands me. And in a way that they've never had before," Waterston tells The Advocate.