The PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Part of the Autism Spectrum

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There is debate about the existence of pathological demand avoidance (PDA) and whether or not it is an autistic profile. We’ve promised to update the community as we continue to look into the issue from all sides. PDA is short for Pathological Demand Avoidance and is considered (in Britain, at least) part of the Autism spectrum. If it's still not clear, one with PDA finds it difficult or impossible to submit to what is experienced as a demand (even if it might be meant as a request or a suggestion). As you might guess, this is the kind of diagnosis that explains to a parent why their child refuses to obey, replacing the label of stubborn, recalcitrant, or naughty, and in the process removes the blame the child would be given and indicates that punishment is the wrong solution. Most importantly, remember there is no such thing as an overreaction for a child with autism or PDA. All behaviour is demonstrative of how your child is feeling. I feel it’s almost a vicious circle; we want to do an activity, can’t, get frustrated, which causes anxiety, then that leads to a spike in needing control and inability to do activities.

What I'm trying to say is that, while it may be entertaining to read about a person deliberately destroying their own lives because they think they can't control themselves (although the author does state that by now he has some systems in place that help him stay safe, mindfulness and meditation being those mentioned), there is no real lesson learned here about PDA, about autism, about any way to manage either and to have a decent life (both for the person involved and those around). There's only a telling of the very stupid decisions of a teenager who could know better because he has the intellect and resources for it (and who, in any other setting, would have been held responsible for his own actions). Go to school. Get a job. Get married. Buy a house. Have children. Have the same cookie-cutter life as all the Smiths and the Joneses. I tried, HARD, to fit into these moulds but always ended up sabotaging them or only being able to do them for a short time before the need to do something else took over. Beyond these superficial social skills, however, PDA kids struggle to understand social hierarchy. “These kids often will speak to a teacher as if they themselves are another adult. It’s almost as if they don’t know that they’re a kid,” Henderson says.It really feels like a big disrespect to people who identify with PDA that people call it rational because they do not experience it as rational and want to be understood. Much like with OCD, it can become a self-sabotaging act that really interferes with quality of life (which fits the definition of pathological). Harry W. Thompson died in 2005, however the author of this book is very much alive. Just 5 months ago he posted a video on youtube which is something no dead person, no matter how awesome, could have done. If you are a Librarian and you see this, please, correct this mistake. Thanks in advance. But please take comfort that the issue isn’t that your child can behave like an immature and hurtful adult, but instead how an adult can indiscriminately behave so much like a child.

HT: “Freedom. Freedom is the chief principal of PDA, and with that comes a reduction in anxiety. This makes me a better person and if people can honour that it makes them easier to deal with.” I have a very dear friend who has ‘Jo cards’ that she uses when I am either going too far or if one of my impulsive ideas is totally nuts and something that I will later regret. Yes, these cards can be seen as a demand, but I have total control over whether I listen to her or not.There’s a diagnosis that describes these characteristics: pathological demand avoidance, or PDA (although many autistic people and professionals working with them prefer the term pervasive drive for autonomy — but more on that later.) In China, the UK, and the USA, one can get CoViD, but if you live in the UK, you can also be diagnosed with PDA which a USian cannot. What kind of disease is only available in select locations? Finally, PDA kids have dramatic mood swings, which are usually triggered by demands. These demands are perceived as very real sources of danger — each demand floods a PDA kid’s system with adrenaline and cortisol. “They essentially go into fight-or-flight,” Henderson says. Many times, the next demand comes before the PDA-er has a chance to calm down from the last one: get ready for school, open your books, go to lunch, please sit still in class. “They've learned that it's only a matter of time before the next demand comes along, and they're sort of hypervigilant to danger. They're just swinging from mood to mood. It's really hard,” Henderson says. “At its core, it’s extreme anxiety.” It was OK. It was not amazing, although with some editing and maybe some structure it could have been better.