Be Not Afraid of Love: Lessons on Fear, Intimacy and Connection

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They are no longer willing to leave themselves vulnerable and open their heart and soul to a person and then be cast aside. They cannot stop themselves from falling in love (again), but they can stop themselves from being in a relationship . The easiest way to do this is by entering the dreaded friend zone .

How does one deal with someone who is afraid of love? If you are attracted to such a person, will they return your affection, or are you looking into an unrequited love relationship ? Courting a person who is afraid of love labelled a self help book and a memoir, i found myself deeply relating to zhu’s words as well as feeling sympathy and warmth from their words. that sounds like i pitied their story but it’s not that at all. i just had a deeper understanding of what their situation was and how it impacted their life as well as how it changed their views on things. Researching the book was really fun because I got to read all my favorite authors. So some key players are definitely bell hooks, Thich Nhat Hanh, Audre Lorde, Bayo Akomolafe — a lot of thought leaders, teachers who have just shown me how their minds work and how in relation to the world they are. I could list out literally a million people, but I also want to definitely center my friends. My friends are absolutely my biggest teachers because I write about relational work so much. I write about being in relations. I write about love. And I don't know a better teacher than someone that I'm in a loving relation with, in who I move through conflict with. Who I have misunderstanding with, who I embrace, who I miss. People that I am in community with, especially people of color, who have really taught me what love can be. make sure to look up tw’s before reading as content gets graphic and sensitive in some areas. there are also warnings within the book.In their new book, Be Not Afraid of Love , writer Mimi Zhu explores how rituals around loss can transform deep grief into love. Intimate and heart-tugging, centered around radical love and rooted in a desire to heal . . . The book ispart memoir, part essay collection, and part spiritual guide, a rumination on healing and Zhu’s journey to rediscover what it means to give and receive love.”

She holds it close to her chest, this cup, and she says, "As a kid, whenever I felt incredibly angry or sad, I'd imagine this mug, warm and all, so close to my chest and everything would feel a bit calmer." Serene, tender, and powerful. In this essay collection, Mimi Zhu reflects on their healing journey as a survivor of intimate partner violence. I liked their honesty about the pain of their abusive relationship and the wide range of emotions they experienced after it. They share many avenues and resources they used for healing, including individual therapy, group therapy, living in a rad group home, attuning themselves toward their body, and connecting with their ancestry and the wisdom of their elders. Their path toward healing wasn’t linear and it took work. They reference several feminist and social justice-oriented texts in this collection, including writings by bell hooks, Audre Lorde, Ling Ma, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Mia Mingus. I cherished and resonated with a few of their insights in particular, such as not conflating the presence of passion in a relationship with actual healthy communication and behavior, learning to prioritize friendship and alternative forms of community over heteronormative monogamous romance, and engaging in mindfulness and appreciation of simple beautiful things throughout one’s day.The funeral for our relationship helped me to express all my complicated emotions in an alleviating synthesis. In that moment, I no longer compartmentalized my feelings in binaries of good or bad. I stopped chasing utopias and allowed myself to steep in the depths of my grief. I let all the nuanced feelings that were held in both/and to come together and coexist. I finally gave myself permission to miss him as all the joyful, loving, painful, and violent memories played out before me. I wept and sobbed and lamented out loud, sending the lost soul of our love affair to the afterlife. Grieving my life without him meant that I had to usher in a new life. The ceremony simultaneously honored the death of our relationship and celebrated a new mysterious beginning that awaited me.

The author’s bracing candor and perceptive insights into the psyches of abusers and the abused make for an unflinching and heartening account of recovering from intimate partner violence. Powerful and unique, this offers a nuanced perspective on what it means to love others and oneself.” When our grief is neglected and unfamiliar, we begin to isolate ourselves in confusion. We cannot see that there are whole and multidimensional beings around us who have experienced heartache, and we become ignorant to the fact that we can be supportive to one another during these painful times. In a world dominated by performances that encourage us to portray ourselves as our most joyful, we begin to assume that everyone is free of grief. Perhaps we just want to cry with one another without judgment, or weep by ourselves and know that we can process our grief with somebody we trust. What happens when I am no longer embarrassed of my grief, and I am surrounded by humans, plants, and animals who hold me while I cry? Radical and revolutionary.”–Jonny Sun, New York Times bestselling author of Goodbye, Again A collection of powerful interconnected essays and affirmations that follow Mimi Zhu’s journey toward embodying and re-learning love after a violent romantic relationship, a stunning and provocative book that will guide and inspire readers to lean into love with softness In their early twenties, Mimi Zhu was a survivor of intimate-partner abuse. This left them broken, in search of healing and ways to re-learn love. This work is a testament to the strength and adaptability all humans possess, a tribute to love. Be Not Afraid of Love explores the intersections of love and fear in self-esteem, friendship, family dynamics, and romantic relationships, and extends out to its effects on society and the greater political realm. In sharing their own intimate encounters with oppression, healing, joy, and community, Mimi invites readers to reflect deeply on their own experiences as well, with the intention of acting as a guide to undoing the hurt or uncertainty within them. In this heartrending and revolutionary book, Mimi reminds us, be not afraid of love. Be Not Afraid of Love: Lessons on Fear, Intimacy, and Connection by Mimi Zhu – eBook Details When I was a teenager, I attended my po po’s (grandmother’s) funeral in Hong Kong. It was a traditional Buddhist ceremony held in a temple, and my extended maternal family had all come to pay their respects. As part of the sacred ritual, we prayed and chanted for nine hours to usher my po po’s spirit to the afterlife. Several monks guided our chants while we were kneeling, standing still, or walking in circles. It was pivotal to chant out loud so that her spirit could hear us, and the louder and more repetitive we were, the better. We had to commit to the melodies of the chant so that our message of grievance was clear. Her spirit needed to hear our grief so she could travel safely.I often find that most self-help falls into categories that help you improve your material wealth - update your mindset SO that you can make more money, start that business, network more effectively, be less afraid of professional judgement. Without any institutional support, the 27-year-old has forged their own success by using their writing and art for self-reflection, building community, and healing. Do not even dare or hint that you want to be in a relationship with them. It is the one and only white lie you are allowed to say. Other than that, you have to be honest. The more they see you are comfortable with “their crowd,” the more their defenses will consider you as a “safe” person. Do not talk about their past or future Understand that you only have one weapon, the heart. There is a hole in their heart that needs to be filled. It is human nature.

Focus on the present. If you are in a relationship, it is imperative that you do your best to leave past baggage from relationships behind you. It isn’t fair to either you or your new partner for you to project that negativity onto your new love. This kind of comparison can make your new partner uneasy and dredge up your fears about love. [12] X Research source Be Not Afraid of Love is a stunning collection of interconnected essays and affirmations that follow Mimi Zhu’s journey toward embodying and re-learning love after a violent relationship.It is a conscious effort by their brain that will prevent you from getting close to it. So you have to slowly fill that hole with thoughts of you without alerting their brain. Don’t push it A nourishing constellation of hope, truths, new light, and the words on love and fellowship that we need; have always needed.”