Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

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A pioneering voice in self-help literature and the recovery movement,Melody Beattieis the author ofmany bestselling books—including The Language of Letting Go,Playing It by Heart,The Grief Club,Beyond Codependency, andThe Codependent No More Workbook . Despite that, I believe this workbook is a helpful resource for anyone looking into 12 step programs independently as it is very clear and concise. However, it doesn’t delve into actual therapeutic techniques to cope with survival behaviors or codependent tendencies. An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment The magic lies in understanding that pleasing others is not going to be enough. Perceiving yourself as the underdog in the arena is harmful, people will notice your weakness and will try to seize upon the opportunity.

Detaching does not mean we don’t care. It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy.” Another one of our shortcomings may be that we don't ask for the help we need because we don't want to burden anyone. We think we should be able to handle everything by ourselves, no matter how hard is it or how bad we feel. But if you need support or just an evening out with a friend, ask." It's sort of hard to rate self-help books so I'm just going to rate this one on how helpful it was to me in particular. I would say it was 50% helpful. Simply reading its descriptions of codependency was really instructive. Lately, I've been hearing the word codependent used a lot, and most people are not using it correctly (for example, I've heard several people use it to describe couples who can't go out without each other, and that's not really what it means). Codependency has a very wide definition, but the best way that I understand it after reading this book is that codependent people let the negative behaviors of those around them affect their own feelings and behaviors in a negative way. As a result, codependents become controlling, moody and often adopt a martyr syndrome that never fixes anything. The book, which is geared towards family members of alcoholics, clarifies a lot of these unhealthy behaviors and gives tips on how to be self-aware and how to manage our emotions, which I find to be helpful, even if it's not groundbreaking scientific work or whatever. In all honesty, there are innumerable definitions about codependency. All of them are focusing on the consequences of codependency and less on the actual causes that fuel this should. We call it a disease.Vertimas. Nėra jis labai blogas, visur eina suprast apie ką kalbama, bet vietomis smarkiai nesušukuotas / nedaredaguotas. Visaip nutinka su tom knygom, bet kai skaitai antrą leidimą ir nežinia kelintą tiražą, nervuoja. Pvz: Kartais gyvenant su alkoholiku, lyg ir neturinčiu didelių problemų, pavyzdžiui, negeriančiu, nedalyvaujančiu jokioje sveikimo programoje, mūsų "aš" gali būti daug sunkiau nei tada, kai problemos būna baisesnės. (p. 262) For each of us, there comes a time to let go. You will know when that time has come. When you have done all that you can do, it is time to detach. Deal with your feelings. Face your fears about losing control. Gain control of yourself and your responsibilities. Free others to be who they are. In so doing, you will set yourself free. ACTIVITY Is there an event or person in your life that you are trying to control? Why? Write a few paragraphs about it.” Codependency doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. Working together is the best way for humans to survive and thrive in society. I believe learning about codependency is doing work to develop a healthier relationship with our partners and ourselves. I’m enjoying learning about these behaviors I don’t know about and realize I’m not alone in the struggle of being human. The difficulties I’m experiencing, someone else has experienced to some degree, and someone else will share some similarities. But after one book and a few online searches, where do I go from here? Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one's self-destructive behaviour, you may be codependent – and you may find yourself in this book. Take a breath. Look around. You have a right to be here. You matter and you count. Where you are is where you belong. This world that may have been so unkind transforms as we transform. What you believe is what you'll get."

Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay.” It’s not just how we communicate our love but how we respond in our relationships. Our choices to act in response to negative behaviors have often been attributed to the fault of our partners and feelings that they need our help or rescue.I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy. Jessica’s friends offered to take her to Al-Anon – an offshoot of Alcoholics Anonymous that’s geared toward the family members of alcoholics – but this made Jessica angrier. Why did she have to do more work when he was the one who caused all the problems? Why did she need help when he was the one in recovery? Jessica felt unappreciated, unheard, and unloved. I don't know how much my writing has contributed to this consciousness-raising, and how much the consciousness-raising has contributed to my writing. But I'm grateful to be part of what's happened. There were a few instances where I found myself surprised and reflecting on my own unconscious behaviors. For the most part, though, this book was a series of symptoms without any actionable steps to take. If you are seeking a book to give you practical guidance on how to deal with your own codependency, I'm afraid you will need to look further. Okay, enough of explanations. I thought the concepts covered in these books were eye-opening and instructive. I think it's a great paradigm to explore. However, I think a better book could be written. Codependent No More is essentially the Go To book about codependency. I found it well written, but somewhat rambling and repetitive. (Somewhat like this blog?) Just as I found myself intrigued by a concept, the author would go into some lengthy story that only partially made sense to me, as somebody who has never dealt with an alcoholic or chemically dependent person. I actually enjoyed Beyond Codependency more because it dealt more with solutions to the problem than lengthy descriptions. Once I "got it," I "got it" and was bored with further detail in the first book.