The Wine O'Clock Myth: The Truth You Need to Know about Women and Alcohol

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I know. And there are still so many people doing this. That’s what breaks my heart. But anyway, yet we managed it. And then it’s not until you take it away. I mean, that’s a wonderful thing. I mean, jumping ahead now, but wonderful thing about being sober. Not only do you feel better, and you manage everything better, but you start to realize it’s just not true, that you need this stuff to live. Yeah, I was so terrified. Right? And it’s not boring to anyone who is in the process of reevaluating their relationship with drinking or stopping drinking, I remember that I needed to inundate myself with the Quit Lit books like yours, I need you know, I read everyone. Uh, huh. I am not a puzzle girl at all. I never had that. So, I maybe, when I get to year, year 8, year 9, I’ll develop it. But I’m not sure. It’s sort of like Scrabble. It’s not my jam. Through her blog she found like minded people in the sober blogosphere, and they supported each other and cheered each other on and commiserated through the process. One of my favorite things that you wrote in your day 3 post is, I’m going to try to do this without any outside support. And what I love is you said, the first time someone commented on your blog, it was like a light bulb went off, you didn’t actually do it without any outside support now.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from. Yeah. And there is a transition and getting used to that. There’s no denying it, you know, it does take a few months to just get used to feeling your feelings. That’s so cliché, but it’s true. And learn strategies. But the other thing I think it’s worth mentioning is, you know, in terms of socializing, going out and having fun.

One, realize, too, that you have bad days, life is hard, life is life, regardless of whether you’re drinking or not drinking. It’s not that you’re going to quit drinking, and you are never going to have a hard time again. It is that you’re actually going to be able to process it and move through it and cope in a healthier way.

In her ideal world, one of those restrictions would involve changing the law that allows alcohol to be sold in supermarkets. “I do think that alcohol should be taken out of supermarkets and there should be more curbs on the marketing messages that allow alcohol to be pushed.” I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book, but it really feels like it was written by alcoholics for alcoholics. After a while, all of the women’s stories start sounding the same. Maybe I truly am too influenced by Big Alcohol, but at times, this book was too political and felt as though the author was pushing her experience on everyone who drinks alcohol. Are you seriously comparing guns and gun owners to alcohol and alcoholics? And people fighting the opening of a liquor store? If you don’t want to drink, don’t shop there. Yeah. So, what would you say to those people? Like, if you could tell them two things, right? Now, if they’re listening, what would it be?Learn how to let go of alcohol as a coping mechanism, how to shift your mindset about sobriety and change your drinking habits, how to create healthy routines to cope with anxiety, people pleasing and perfectionism, the importance of self-care in early sobriety, and why you don’t need to be an alcoholic to live an alcohol free life.

I agree with you. I’ve had such that’s the thing about sober emotions, they’re so much more intense. You know, they can be harder to come by because you’re not finding them in a bottle every night. But when you have those really good belly laughs with people, it just feels joyous, doesn’t it? I mean, it is physical in the way that it’s i affecting your pleasure centers, it’s, it’s messing with your memory, it’s making you physically ill, it’s up in anxiety. I found once I removed the alcohol, I felt more stable, I felt more content, I felt more able to cope with my life and my job, I didn’t want to jump out of my own skin, the self-hatred went away. I was more honest and open my relationship with my husband got better. I was no longer asking my kids on Saturday morning to be quiet or not jumped because mommy didn’t feel so good. I mean, all of that was better, every part of my life was better. And but I what I needed to do is build, build the ability to get comfortable with not drinking and to have fun and to manage my emotions. And, you know, feel life and cope with it in a healthy way. Because we still get angry, frustrated, bored. Lotta wrote her second book Mrs. D Is Going Within– touching on mindfulness and the tools she uses to navigate life from an emotionally healthy place after putting down the wine bottle. Yes. Yeah. And one last thing I know, we talked about really consciously taking a look at the Marketing messages that you’re surrounded by taking a look at how much of that is funded by the alcohol companies how much they’re targeting women, I’m you know, see bottles of wine that are that are, you know, mommy’s happy hour or mommy’s timeout, or, you know, all those things. And we talked about editing your social media feed, which I feel like, is so critical and diving into sober support communities that tell the other side, both the good of not alcohol, not having alcohol in your life, as well as the truth that it is not harmless. Do you have any other piece of advice for women who are really trying to get out of really buying into that mummy white culture that wine is the magic elixir? If I had a dollar for every time someone who has changed their relationship with alcohol said ‘If I can do it, anyone can’, I’d be a very rich woman. Those words are so frequently uttered by people who have stopped steadily drinking they’ve almost become meaningless. Which is a shame given it’s such a powerful and compelling statement. Just seven short words, but used in this context they are drenched in meaning. They convey pride and power, but also a measure of incredulity, almost as if the person uttering them can’t quite believe what they’ve done in turning their lives around. Why not? Because they genuinely thought they’d never be able to do it.

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For her, the turning point came in September 2011 when she woke up one morning at 3am after drinking nearly two bottles of wine the night before and remembered that she had hidden the empty first bottle so her husband wouldn’t know how much she had drunk. She was so horrified at what she had done she decided to quit drinking. Almost 9 years later, she’s a happy sobriety advocate who, rather than pouring herself a wine at 5pm, slips into a pair of comfy trousers. Other relaxation triggers that work for her include lighting a scented candle or listening to a favourite album while she cooks. Well, and part of that what I love is when you go on those groups, when you go on like living sober. My favorite secret Facebook group is the booze free brigade. It’s, you know, when you say that it bothers you, in your book, that it bothers you that only one side of the picture is unveiled is visible, that it bothers you that you’ve created an environment for people that admit their truth, that, you know, alcohol is celebrated, as this, you know, great elixir for everything it is in those groups, that you see the other side and not just the problems, but also how much better and life is without alcohol and that alcohol isn’t required. And that is where you’re going to find the other side of the story and that you’re not alone. The importance of reframing the treat and reward concepts we’ve been taught (and internalized) around wine. That drinking is our treat at the end of the day and a much needed reward for hard work. No, and I think, I now realize it was foolish to sit out to try and do it by myself, because you do need other people. And I found them through my blog. I found this amazing online community. And the first comment, Oh, my gosh, it was like a hug. And then, they started coming more and more. And that’s when I realized there’s a whole lot of people just like me, and we need that peer support. And there’s a growing, emergence and recognition in the addiction sector of the power of peer support.

I know we’re not the only ones, right? I mean, so many women cringe or make a joke about it and post it on social media, when you know, their kids are asked in kindergarten to draw pictures of their family or what mom loves or what mom does, and it’s them with a with a glass of wine, right? That’s a thing. And that’s why mum culture, Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.So, at the moment, it’s very, very cheap. It’s available everywhere, and it’s marketed everywhere. I’m kind of saying let’s leave price alone for now because I don’t want to make the drinkers grumpy. Right.