Joined in 2023 
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Tracy gives an excellent overview of both the cheater and their lame excuses, sense of entitlement, and the reasons why a chump stays and works on things - both things you will need to understand to help you process everything that has happened/is happening. Sometimes men don't even think their wives like them anymore-they just like the paycheck and the lifestyle. Black and white thinking is a totally normal response to painful and humiliating circumstances,(betrayal trauma stress causes the release of adrenaline, the hormone that drives the 'fight or flight' reaction we get when we feel vulnerable or endangered-it's natural). And this audiobook is a relentless voice in your ear of tough love for guiding you to making it out alive - and well.
In the two years since reading the original version, I have finished my master’s degree, started and finished a human resources certificate, transferred to a position that is closer to home and far less stressful, improved my credit, traded in my 2001 beater car with 176K miles on it for a new 2016 Toyota Corolla without any cosigning or financial help from anyone, participated in a theology seminar wherein someone actually paid me to fly out to California and do theology for two weeks (it was amazing), lined up a peer-reviewed article to publish, and had a septorhinoplasty that fixed my crooked nose along with my breathing. Schorn is unambiguous where other books dance around that feeling inside you that you didn’t ask for this, that the affair partner made their own choices and didn’t handle relationship issues in an honorable way. People who rage and devalue others in angry ways have amygdalas that fire all the time,the amygdala controls the anger and fear responses in your emotional system. I'm glad it was for us over 15 years ago; after healing; and now, together we are amazing--we healed; we have sat together in three of our children's weddings and we together have watched in tears as six grandbabies have been born.There are many cheaters who really never wanted to have an affair during their marriage but then come to time when they do.
But I have been living with a shame imposed on me for seven months, and this is probably the most important resource I have come across in that time. She has a knack for just the kind of no-nonsense straight talk the partners of entitled vow-trashers need to put their lives back together after being cheated on. It's just good to know that "Chump Lady" and people like her are willing to stand up Betrayed Partners but on the other hand They unknowingly feed the bane of bitterness. You feel better for a little bit because endorphins are released then a few days later you are back to being unhappy its similar to a coffee high,the effect only lasts a short while. Your cheater had an entire decision tree of options, beginning with difficult conversations, therapy, and divorce lawyers.The fact is, you can't stop him from cheating any more than you could make him cheat in the first place. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the-cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs.
And it has lifted that shame, because unlike so many resources it resists (in fact, it delivers a swift kick in the balls to) the compulsion to blame the hurt person for the selfish, ugly actions of the person they trusted most in the world. A good counselor will move these partners into individual counseling or, in some cases, Discernment Counseling, until the cheater is moved to genuine remorse with a desire to take responsibility for the changes they are required to make. She deliberately encourages the reader to hype up angry emotions by focusing on their victimhood and all the hurts and injustices they have suffered. Many well-meaning people are too quick to direct a betrayed spouse into attempts to save their marriage.In fact, sometimes the best thing we can do for a client who is trying to save their marriage is to encourage them NOT to.
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