The Dirty, Dirty Wife

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verifyErrors }}{{ message }}{{ /verifyErrors }}{{ My wife and I just returned home from a much needed 10 day vacation on the beach in Mexico. Having been traveling most of the day, we were tired when we arrived at our hotel and decided to head to the beach for a massage. Within in minutes we were both laying on tables overlooking the beach and listening to the waves. We were only about six feet apart with cool towels covering our faces. Every now and then I could hear my wife moan, which I assumed was from the massage. Meanwhile, my massage was okay, but nothing to moan about. People who were more extraverted had more fantasies about dirty talk—and more fantasies about a partner moaning and screaming. In other words, those who are more sociable and outgoing seem to find sounds during sex to be more erotically appealing, whereas introverts seem to find quiet sex more arousing. Dirty talk fantasies were associated with several sex-seeking personality traits: erotophilia, sociosexuality, and sexual sensation seeking. Put another way, those who had more positive attitudes toward sex, saw sex and emotion as separable, and enjoyed more thrilling and adventuresome sexual encounters in general reported more interest in dirty talk. So, in some ways, the appeal of dirty talk also says something about how we feel about and think about sex in general.

The insertion of a whole hand into a vagina or sometimes anus. Apparently the filled-up feeling is orgasmic for some women.

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In general, dirty talk fantasies were unrelated to self-esteem and neuroticism; however, fantasies about being called derogatory names specifically were related to these factors. Those who fantasized about being called a "bitch," "slut," etc. tended to report lower self-esteem and higher levels of neuroticism (i.e., emotional instability). They also reported more attachment anxiety (i.e., fear of abandonment). To be clear, these associations were small, which means that fantasies about being called derogatory names are not inherent indicators of how we feel about ourselves or about our relationships. But the fact that an association exists at all tells us something. Maybe for some, this is a way of eroticizing personal insecurities. Or maybe for others, it’s an act of masochism in which pain is used to escape self-awareness or to intensify sexual sensations, as I write about in Tell Me What You Want. Dirty talk fantasies were associated with more BDSM fantasies of every type— bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. Dirty talk often plays a role in BDSM scenarios (e.g., to create a dominant-submissive dynamic, as a form of sexual humiliation), and women reported more BDSM fantasies in general than did men, so perhaps this at least partly explains why women had the most frequent dirty talk fantasies. As further support for this idea, I also asked people how often they fantasized about a specific form of dirty talk—being called a “slut,” “bitch,” “whore,” or other derogatory term during sex. The gender difference was substantially larger in this case: a slight majority of women (52%) said they’d fantasized about this before, and 22% fantasized about it often. By contrast, 35% of men had fantasized about this before, and 10% fantasized about it often.

The act of inserting a steel, medical-grade sounding rod into a guy’s pee hole, aka urethra, to inflict pleasure and pain. Some people use alternative items, like a toothbrush handle (and we understand teh struggle of household sex toy users, but highly discourage putting non-body safe materials into an orifice like the urethra. Kink responsibly, kiddos!Imagine a gathering of three or more participants engaged in a sexual free-for-all. Aka: group sex.